I am currently pouting. Yes, I know, WHY IN GOD'S NAME am I pouting? This will be my last Sunday night alone. I am 99% done, my donut says "Leaving on a Jet Plane" and family starts arriving Wednesday.
But here I am, for some reason being Mrs. Frumpy Pants.
He can calm me like no other. Looking back on this deployment I was incredibly blessed to have some kind of communication with him almost every single day. Yesterday he took the first step in his long journey back home to me and I knew my favorite nightly chats would stop for a bit.
But cmon, I get him in person in just days! STOP pouting already.
I kind of did the same thing before R&R. His three days of traveling, we did not talk once and I began pouting just like I am tonight.
BUT HE IS COMING HOME IN LESS THAN 130 HOURS.
I think ultimately I am afraid of our next chapter. This deployment brought us so much closer, closer than we have ever been in 10 years together. I loved the sweet messages and emails. I spent all day trying to remember what our life was like living together before the "big D". Did we fight a lot? Were we as sweet together as we are now? Did I appreciate him as much as I do now?
Will I be a good wife? I spent the last 11.5 months being on my own. I did well taking care of myself, but now I go back to taking care of him too.
And the icing on my pouty cake, a "friend" of ours from flight school, who also happens to be married messaged me this morning to tell me she ran into him and "gave him a BIG hug for me". Thanks sweetheart, but I can hug him just fine when he gets home. She's another post for another time.
Normally I do not feel like this, I do not really vent in my blog because I typically vent to him and he makes it magically better. I tell him everything. It would go something like this 1) I tell him all of the above concerns 2) He solves each one individually 3) Then makes me laugh until my mouth hurts for being so ridiculous.
I AM BEING RIDICULOUS.
I know in just a few short days I will be in his arms and it will feel like heaven on earth, but right now I am nervous, scared, and definitely pouting.
If you would ask me 345 days ago how I would feel at this time, never, ever would I imagine this, but right now I would love to have someone here to shake some sense into me.
20 comments:
Try to stay positive---I know how you feel though. I get cranky when I haven't heard from Josh in a few days because I've been spoiled by him calling most days. Then I feel like a total asshole because my bestie only talks to her husband once a week, if that.
Back again in a few days---YAY!
Shake Shake Shake
There...all better!
(I did the same thing when John came home)
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Aww, you're allowed to pout. No one will judge you for missing talking to him. Just keep reminding yourself that he's gonna be there with you in a few short days, and you will be able to pout to him and he'll be able to fix it all in person :)
Stay strong these last couple days... It'll all be worth it when he's home :)
Ohhh I've been there. I was fortunate to have (just about) daily contact with the Hubby while he was deployed.. But then the 3 day trip back to Japan - I was like waiiiit-a-minute...I know I'm going to see him in 3-days - BUT more than ever I feel the need to talk, prepare ourselves for the jolt back into shared living spaces (including the bed!). So it is so (so so so so) Normal to pout! No one blames you! Those 3 days don't go by fast enough!
ENJOY THE HUBBY!!!!
I can't believe you're so close to the end, I'm so excited for you!!! And OF COURSE you will be a good wife and you guys will be absolutely fantastic together, just like you always have been! It may not be a perfect ride but you have each other to lean on and pretty soon, you can literally lean on him!
I know it's silly to say "don't stress" but just stress over the little things like running out of chips, not that you've changed so much you're unrecognizable to him. I bet as soon as you see each other, all the stress and worries will be gone!
Ah, those lovely unexpected emotions of deployment... This sounds exactly like me. I think it's just the stress of the homecoming that's getting to you -- totally normal! No worries, just go ahead and let yourself feel cranky until you're in his arms getting that first big hug. :-D
AW! Mrs. Frumpy Pants, stop pouting! ::shake shake:: (I kid, I kid). Seriously though, Matt has had awesome internet access for the past week or so (I guess it makes up for crappy access through the rest of it), and he wasn't online last night and I got all cranky. LOL!
I was very blessed, like you, to have almost daily contact with Scott. And I definitely got spoiled by it. The times he wasn't able to talk (either due to power outages, or schedules that didn't match up, or traveling) I would pout worse than a two year old who had her candy stolen. It was ridiculous, but he is my best friend. And like you, he can make me feel better about anything.
When he came home, I thankfully had the drive across country to kind of keep my mind busy, but those were the hardest hours and days. Once I had him back, I said that that last week was quite probably the hardest week of the deployment for me. There are just so many thoughts running through your head and so many emotions... I thought I was going crazy. I would be a complete bitch one minute, then the very next I'd be crying uncontrollably. But, once he was in my arms, all of it was forgotten. Hang in there sweetie... you'll get through this with flying colors! I'm so happy for you!
Anything and everything is ABSOLUTELY normal leading up to (and for the weeks after) homecoming. Just accept your weird emotions and don't make yourself feel guilty about them!!!
Hang in there, ALMOST done!!
I agree with d.a.r. It is such a crazy experience to go through that we have to cut ourselves some slack! Before my husband came home I kept getting frustrated with HIM that he hadn't left yet...
You have every right to pout! He'll be home and in your arms soon. That's so exciting!!!
One more thing...What a tough group of ladies when we actually think we are "spoiled" by being allowed to talk to our spouse once daily! Deployment is not normal!
I don't think you're being ridiculous at all! You're definitely entitled to go through the range of emotions. So feel free to pout - and soon you will be smiling! :)
It sounds to me, being on the outside, that deployment is a crazy roller coaster ride for anyone so I think you are normal for feeling like this. I'm excited for you that you are down to the final countdown!!
I am so, so, so excited for you!!! But totally understand what you are feeling. Redeployment brings such a mix of emotions...excitement, anxiety, fear...
I had to nob my head and giggle as I read through your post and comments.
I completely agree with the others when they said anything is normal when it comes to deployments.
I went through some crazy emotions that last week leading up to homecoming. There is just so much going on and to think and get ready and...it's going to make you a little crazy! But that first hug...ahhh bliss!
Weird emotions leading up to homecoming is the norm! Even the day that Brian was coming home, I felt completely normal, not excited at all because I didn't feel like it was real!! I was getting ready (putting on the dress I had bought for that occasion 10 months prior) and just felt like it was any other day.
Of course when I saw his plane land on a big TV screen that was set up I completely lost it and THEN I started to get excited. But I was such a weirdo before that!!
Accept your wacko emotions and roll with it.
I ran across your blog and decided to start reading! Your dogs are adorable, plus you know CLR (so do I! :) )
I did the same thing! You guys are going to have so much fun together when he is home--we had a similar experience through out the deployment and have been together about the same amount of time as y'all. Deployment as therapy? I wouldn't volunteer for it, but it made us so much stronger.
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