Since he will be gone for the holidays, I only wanted to decorate the inside of the house with two items, a Christmas tree and stockings.
We set out today to try and accomplish this feat.
I wanted to find the perfect tree, the perfect stockings, start the perfect tradition, make memories together...blah, blah, blah. I did realize one thing today, fake trees are expensive!
Shopping overwhelmed me. I did not find a tree or the stockings.
I gave up and gave him the pouty lip in our 4th store. I finally found a $2 miniature snowman. It cheered me up. And if you walk into our house, it is our only Christmas decoration.
Hurry up December 26th so I can buy cheap decorations for next year!
Tonight while cleaning the house and listening to Christmas music, we both kind of laughed at our snowman on top of the fireplace mantle.
And what do you know, we made our 1st Christmas memory living together...
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Second Class Citizen?
It all started this morning.
He passed Pathfinder and the graduation ceremony was going to take place this morning. I told him last night I wanted to go with him onto post, since I am still a civilian in their eyes.
He said I should be fine.
Now as we approach on deployment, I am worrying about getting onto post, getting information, etc. He is my best friend and I tell him everything, but I never told him this.
I drive to Gate 4 to get my guest pass and notice the line is out the door. Here I thought 40 minutes would be plenty of time to get my guest pass. Well with people cutting in front of me and the ladies behind the counter goofing off and looking at cell phone pictures, I ended up being 10 minutes late.
The poor guy at the gate who inspects the car just let me go and told me I would be OK. I could not stop crying, I just let it all out.
I stopped when I walked up to the building. He walked out and I just lost it. I started crying and swearing. To sum up my conversation I just said, "After 8 and a half years of dealing with crap, I am nobody to the Army so I might as well be nobody to you. Why am I living in an Army town and am a nobody". Luckily he was the only one to notice my breakdown.
I missed his graduation. I missed the pinning and to put icing on the cake, he informed me he was the honor grad in his class. I wanted to be there so bad.
I just continued to cry and cry. He was incredibly sweet. I eventually calmed down after we arrived home and he made me lunch. I have no idea why I cried. I am usually strong and make cracks when it comes to our situation.
Sometimes it just gets to me after all these years, I feel like a second class citizen.
The worst part, my eyes hurt so bad, still after 7+ hours.
He passed Pathfinder and the graduation ceremony was going to take place this morning. I told him last night I wanted to go with him onto post, since I am still a civilian in their eyes.
He said I should be fine.
Now as we approach on deployment, I am worrying about getting onto post, getting information, etc. He is my best friend and I tell him everything, but I never told him this.
I drive to Gate 4 to get my guest pass and notice the line is out the door. Here I thought 40 minutes would be plenty of time to get my guest pass. Well with people cutting in front of me and the ladies behind the counter goofing off and looking at cell phone pictures, I ended up being 10 minutes late.
The poor guy at the gate who inspects the car just let me go and told me I would be OK. I could not stop crying, I just let it all out.
I stopped when I walked up to the building. He walked out and I just lost it. I started crying and swearing. To sum up my conversation I just said, "After 8 and a half years of dealing with crap, I am nobody to the Army so I might as well be nobody to you. Why am I living in an Army town and am a nobody". Luckily he was the only one to notice my breakdown.
I missed his graduation. I missed the pinning and to put icing on the cake, he informed me he was the honor grad in his class. I wanted to be there so bad.
I just continued to cry and cry. He was incredibly sweet. I eventually calmed down after we arrived home and he made me lunch. I have no idea why I cried. I am usually strong and make cracks when it comes to our situation.
Sometimes it just gets to me after all these years, I feel like a second class citizen.
The worst part, my eyes hurt so bad, still after 7+ hours.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Rollerblade Diaster Take 1
I knew it was only a matter of time.
Good ol' Newton once said that those in motion should stay in motion. This is how I describe my daily outings with my puppies on the roller blades.
Due to the weather, I am bundled up with my i-pod, gloves, hat, sweatshirt etc. so my athleticism (ha) is lacking.
We just started out and typically it takes awhile to get them going. I go about a block and Dakota becomes fixated on a Chihuahua. I know my subdivision like the back of my hand. I've seen every dog, car, kid, etc. And I have not seen this dog.
Here is a side note. One of my pet peeves involves electric fences in the front yard. I am slowly getting over this as we know the 3 dogs in the area who jump off the front porch and dart for the street after my puppies. Daisy and Dakota know to keep going or else.
Back to the Chihuahua.
I see it in the front yard and it begins chasing after us. Now, here I assume it is another front yard electric fence.
No dice.
The dog continues to chase after us (WHERE ARE HIS PARENTS?!). Daisy, my big baby, never goes after dogs, however, she realizes, "Hey, I am bigger than THIS dog". As my dogs continue to tangle me up, I stop (HUGE mistake) and am ready to put the smack down on them. The Chihuahua finally notices the fight is 2 v 1, scares a little and dashes in front of car. The car stops.
I worry about the Chihuahua and as I worry, I loose Daisy's leash! She takes off after the dog. Dakota wants to chase too pulls me SMACK into the stopped car. The poor driver hears a big ol' thud on the side of his car. Somehow, through all of this, I still manage to hold onto to Dakota.
But not for long.
Daisy chased the dog across the street. Dakota wants to help and when she has her mind set on something, by golly, she is going to get it. So my wonderful dog pulls me into a yard through a HUGE 5 foot bush, where a couple peacefully works on their landscape.
I finally let go and tumble right at the feet of the lady who so kindly offered her help. Thank goodness for all the padding I wore. Sweet Daisy notices mommy is down and comes to my rescue. Dakota is going in circles after this dog 5 houses down. The lady grabbed Daisy's leash and luckily when I call Dakota, she comes.
The couple told me that I impress them everyday with 2 puppies on roller blades. I said nothing like this has happened, but I knew it was only a matter of time.
Once we got going again, all was well.
Daisy and Dakota are both passed out on the kitchen floor.
Today's life lessons:
1) Listen to Newton's Law of Motion
2) Neighbors should REALLY know the location of their dogs
Also, my subject is Take 1 because let's face it, I am sure I will be sharing more stories like this in the near future.
Good ol' Newton once said that those in motion should stay in motion. This is how I describe my daily outings with my puppies on the roller blades.
Due to the weather, I am bundled up with my i-pod, gloves, hat, sweatshirt etc. so my athleticism (ha) is lacking.
We just started out and typically it takes awhile to get them going. I go about a block and Dakota becomes fixated on a Chihuahua. I know my subdivision like the back of my hand. I've seen every dog, car, kid, etc. And I have not seen this dog.
Here is a side note. One of my pet peeves involves electric fences in the front yard. I am slowly getting over this as we know the 3 dogs in the area who jump off the front porch and dart for the street after my puppies. Daisy and Dakota know to keep going or else.
Back to the Chihuahua.
I see it in the front yard and it begins chasing after us. Now, here I assume it is another front yard electric fence.
No dice.
The dog continues to chase after us (WHERE ARE HIS PARENTS?!). Daisy, my big baby, never goes after dogs, however, she realizes, "Hey, I am bigger than THIS dog". As my dogs continue to tangle me up, I stop (HUGE mistake) and am ready to put the smack down on them. The Chihuahua finally notices the fight is 2 v 1, scares a little and dashes in front of car. The car stops.
I worry about the Chihuahua and as I worry, I loose Daisy's leash! She takes off after the dog. Dakota wants to chase too pulls me SMACK into the stopped car. The poor driver hears a big ol' thud on the side of his car. Somehow, through all of this, I still manage to hold onto to Dakota.
But not for long.
Daisy chased the dog across the street. Dakota wants to help and when she has her mind set on something, by golly, she is going to get it. So my wonderful dog pulls me into a yard through a HUGE 5 foot bush, where a couple peacefully works on their landscape.
I finally let go and tumble right at the feet of the lady who so kindly offered her help. Thank goodness for all the padding I wore. Sweet Daisy notices mommy is down and comes to my rescue. Dakota is going in circles after this dog 5 houses down. The lady grabbed Daisy's leash and luckily when I call Dakota, she comes.
The couple told me that I impress them everyday with 2 puppies on roller blades. I said nothing like this has happened, but I knew it was only a matter of time.
Once we got going again, all was well.
Daisy and Dakota are both passed out on the kitchen floor.
Today's life lessons:
1) Listen to Newton's Law of Motion
2) Neighbors should REALLY know the location of their dogs
Also, my subject is Take 1 because let's face it, I am sure I will be sharing more stories like this in the near future.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Your eyes are the size of the moon.
He bought Rockband 2 last weekend and we have played almost every night since.
If you can picture me singing Panic at the Disco, The Who, and Modest Mouse, you will realize my amusement as I glance over and watch him rock out on the drums.
Losers?
Probably.
Fun?
Absolutely.
He probably should be studying for the massive amounts of work provided by Pathfinder, but he chooses video games with me instead.
If you can picture me singing Panic at the Disco, The Who, and Modest Mouse, you will realize my amusement as I glance over and watch him rock out on the drums.
Losers?
Probably.
Fun?
Absolutely.
He probably should be studying for the massive amounts of work provided by Pathfinder, but he chooses video games with me instead.
Monday, November 17, 2008
And its a beautiful life...
My recent selection of television shows have convinced me that I want a large family.
Extreme Home Makeover showed a family of 13. I was kind of jealous. Not to mention I am uber excited for the Jon & Kate Plus Eight renowal of vows tonight and last night TBS aired "Cheaper By The Dozen" .
Daisy and Dakota convince me everyday as well...
I absolutely love a clean house. I grew up in a household where we HAD to make our bed everyday. I guess this is why I use to hate dog hair so much and thought 2 children max.
Tonight as Daisy decided to race past me and run inside with the dirty bone she buried in the backyard to jump on the couch, I realized something. I attempted to grab her and tried yelling then I said, "I give up". I really have given up. I'll take a semi-messy (let's face it, I still vaccum and mop everyday) for these guys anyday.
I love chaos. There are 4 years between my sister, brother, and I. Chaos suits me well.
Now I just have to convince the "daddy". Tonight he told me he wanted 2 kids...Sigh.
Extreme Home Makeover showed a family of 13. I was kind of jealous. Not to mention I am uber excited for the Jon & Kate Plus Eight renowal of vows tonight and last night TBS aired "Cheaper By The Dozen" .
Daisy and Dakota convince me everyday as well...
I absolutely love a clean house. I grew up in a household where we HAD to make our bed everyday. I guess this is why I use to hate dog hair so much and thought 2 children max.
Tonight as Daisy decided to race past me and run inside with the dirty bone she buried in the backyard to jump on the couch, I realized something. I attempted to grab her and tried yelling then I said, "I give up". I really have given up. I'll take a semi-messy (let's face it, I still vaccum and mop everyday) for these guys anyday.
I love chaos. There are 4 years between my sister, brother, and I. Chaos suits me well.
Now I just have to convince the "daddy". Tonight he told me he wanted 2 kids...Sigh.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Gut Check
Ryan moved in with us about a week after we moved into this house. He needed a place to stay before he deployed at the end of this year. With a 4 bedroom house for just the two of us, we welcomed him with open arms.
Today when he got home from work, we were talking and he reminded me that his block leave starts today. By the time we get home from our block leave, he will already be on his way over.
He left at 4pm and I hugged him good-bye. He is tremondous with the dogs and I feel I can talk to him about anything. I'm really going to miss him.
We're having people over for dinner tonight so I decided to clean his bathroom/side of the house. I walked into his room...completely empty. My stomach sank just a little.
Its beginning.
Today when he got home from work, we were talking and he reminded me that his block leave starts today. By the time we get home from our block leave, he will already be on his way over.
He left at 4pm and I hugged him good-bye. He is tremondous with the dogs and I feel I can talk to him about anything. I'm really going to miss him.
We're having people over for dinner tonight so I decided to clean his bathroom/side of the house. I walked into his room...completely empty. My stomach sank just a little.
Its beginning.
Thursday
I woke up early this morning to use the washroom and noticed a much larger man in be my bed. McSteamy was sleeping next to me.
I immediately woke from my dream. I am more of a McDreamy kind of girl anyways.
I realized tonight is Thursday and Grey's Anatomy is on TV. Kind of weird? Yes, very...
He also noticed last night during Daisy's puppy class that she listens a lot more to me.
NO KIDDING!
People always assume Dave will be the disciplinarian if we have kids since he is the disciplined, calm one and I am more of a free spirit. I laugh when I hear this since I picture my kids running to daddy to escape from "mean mommy".
I guess nothing bothers me more than kids who lack discipline.
I immediately woke from my dream. I am more of a McDreamy kind of girl anyways.
I realized tonight is Thursday and Grey's Anatomy is on TV. Kind of weird? Yes, very...
He also noticed last night during Daisy's puppy class that she listens a lot more to me.
NO KIDDING!
People always assume Dave will be the disciplinarian if we have kids since he is the disciplined, calm one and I am more of a free spirit. I laugh when I hear this since I picture my kids running to daddy to escape from "mean mommy".
I guess nothing bothers me more than kids who lack discipline.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Letting it out...
I can't stop thinking/dreaming about work. I need closure, just to let it all out.
I've been tempted on more than 1 occasion to email my former boss, Rich, and tell him how I really feel, to let him know...
Dear Boss,
On July 6, 2008, in a momentary lapse of judgement, you came out and told my mom that you were in love with me. On July 9, 2008, my parents sat me down and told me what you had said. My life took a drastic turn on that day. There were times were I wished you never said anything and went about running your business as a professional.
You continue to ask my parents how am I doing. Well here is how I am doing:
I am struggling with my career. I always felt so sure of myself. I feel betrayed. For over a year I busted my butt for you and concentrated 110% on my work. The job fit me perfectly. It was a dream job to say the least. I felt I was heading down the right path to that "corner office". I loved my office, my co-workers, my clients, my emails, and our work enviornment.
You took that away.
I would like to say that I hate you, but hate is a strong word. I would like to say I am angry with you, but angry is a negative emotion and personally a waste of time.
I spent the last 4 months wishing you had never said that to my mom, but....God has a plan for me and I believe that there really is a time and purpose for everything under heaven.
I started to create new sources of happiness, deep within myself. I'm learning more about who I am and what I really am doing here on earth.
So my search to find the new career carries on, I thank God everyday for the special people in my life who support me and will never let me down.
Things change and people change. And I will find myself cherishing the memories I made over the past year, knowing they are exactly where they are suppose to be....
In the past.
Sometimes I wish I had the balls to email this. But I think writing it all down was a huge first step for me.
Thank goodness for blogging :)
I've been tempted on more than 1 occasion to email my former boss, Rich, and tell him how I really feel, to let him know...
Dear Boss,
On July 6, 2008, in a momentary lapse of judgement, you came out and told my mom that you were in love with me. On July 9, 2008, my parents sat me down and told me what you had said. My life took a drastic turn on that day. There were times were I wished you never said anything and went about running your business as a professional.
You continue to ask my parents how am I doing. Well here is how I am doing:
I am struggling with my career. I always felt so sure of myself. I feel betrayed. For over a year I busted my butt for you and concentrated 110% on my work. The job fit me perfectly. It was a dream job to say the least. I felt I was heading down the right path to that "corner office". I loved my office, my co-workers, my clients, my emails, and our work enviornment.
You took that away.
I would like to say that I hate you, but hate is a strong word. I would like to say I am angry with you, but angry is a negative emotion and personally a waste of time.
I spent the last 4 months wishing you had never said that to my mom, but....God has a plan for me and I believe that there really is a time and purpose for everything under heaven.
I started to create new sources of happiness, deep within myself. I'm learning more about who I am and what I really am doing here on earth.
So my search to find the new career carries on, I thank God everyday for the special people in my life who support me and will never let me down.
Things change and people change. And I will find myself cherishing the memories I made over the past year, knowing they are exactly where they are suppose to be....
In the past.
Sometimes I wish I had the balls to email this. But I think writing it all down was a huge first step for me.
Thank goodness for blogging :)
Article
I love the Yahoo buzz stories and usually at the end of the day, we'll lay in bed reading through some of the articles that interest us.
We found one yesterday in USA Today about the "correct" age for marriage. It was interesting and agreed with "the older the better".
Article
Now I don't necessarily agree with it. My sister was engaged by 21 and married by 22. I would hope her marriage would last forever. The article made an excellent point that:
Older marriages (30s vs. 20s) were more cohesive in the sense they did things more often together as a couple
I don't think that point has anything to do with age, just maturity. A very smart woman on her 4th marriage once told me that you learn after awhile you just have to marry your best friend.
We are not waiting to be older or wiser and I actually am fond of those who marry young and make it last.
However, I will admit that the divorce rate in this country scares me.
We found one yesterday in USA Today about the "correct" age for marriage. It was interesting and agreed with "the older the better".
Article
Now I don't necessarily agree with it. My sister was engaged by 21 and married by 22. I would hope her marriage would last forever. The article made an excellent point that:
Older marriages (30s vs. 20s) were more cohesive in the sense they did things more often together as a couple
I don't think that point has anything to do with age, just maturity. A very smart woman on her 4th marriage once told me that you learn after awhile you just have to marry your best friend.
We are not waiting to be older or wiser and I actually am fond of those who marry young and make it last.
However, I will admit that the divorce rate in this country scares me.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Must be love
You know how I know I am growing up...
How much I love my Dyson Vaccum. Dyson Animal Vaccum to be exact :)
I use to HATE dog hair, actually I loathed dog hair. My shirt and pants would always be covered with dog hair from his family dogs and I would just get so frustrated. Now I have 2 dogs, but I have the best vaccum in the world.
Yes, you can go ahead and picture my face lighting up as I clean our carpets full of dog hair and dirt from his boots. I honestly use this thing everyday. Today while I was "sweeping" the kitchen floor, I thought to myself, this thing is amazing.
He bought it for me for my birthday. I told him today it was probably the best gift ever.
I use to be so confused as the adults in my family during Christmas would get excited about house stuff. Now I feel their love.
How much I love my Dyson Vaccum. Dyson Animal Vaccum to be exact :)
I use to HATE dog hair, actually I loathed dog hair. My shirt and pants would always be covered with dog hair from his family dogs and I would just get so frustrated. Now I have 2 dogs, but I have the best vaccum in the world.
Yes, you can go ahead and picture my face lighting up as I clean our carpets full of dog hair and dirt from his boots. I honestly use this thing everyday. Today while I was "sweeping" the kitchen floor, I thought to myself, this thing is amazing.
He bought it for me for my birthday. I told him today it was probably the best gift ever.
I use to be so confused as the adults in my family during Christmas would get excited about house stuff. Now I feel their love.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Purpose
I convinced myself to head to the library this past week thanks to Becca and her post forever ago about her love for that place.
I flipped through "A Purpose Driven Life" for about a half hour while I was there. It is such a powerful book and drove home a lot of really good points about life and purpose.
I've been really down on myself for not working, but while I read, it said the best thing you can give to any relationship is time.
Not only am I giving a ton of time to him, Daisy, and Dakota, I am actually giving time to my friends. I am a workaholic by nature. My days since I was 14 have run from 6am until midnight. I was terrible at keeping up with friends, updating live journal, facebook etc. Terrible could be a huge understatement actually. Now I feel so much better about where I am "relationship" wise with a lot more people.
God has granted me the gift of time. I really should enjoy it more.
Glass is always half full.
I flipped through "A Purpose Driven Life" for about a half hour while I was there. It is such a powerful book and drove home a lot of really good points about life and purpose.
I've been really down on myself for not working, but while I read, it said the best thing you can give to any relationship is time.
Not only am I giving a ton of time to him, Daisy, and Dakota, I am actually giving time to my friends. I am a workaholic by nature. My days since I was 14 have run from 6am until midnight. I was terrible at keeping up with friends, updating live journal, facebook etc. Terrible could be a huge understatement actually. Now I feel so much better about where I am "relationship" wise with a lot more people.
God has granted me the gift of time. I really should enjoy it more.
Glass is always half full.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Parental Guidance
On a more cheerful note..
Something tells me I need to work on my parenting skills. As I am typing this and Daisy and Dakota came crashing into my back during their morning wrestling session.
When Dave comes home from work, we'll be in the office working on our separate computers and the dogs will just bark and "rumble" with each other. He looks at me and then yells, "Doesn't this bother you" and I look at him and reply, "What are you talking about"...."Oh yeah, them...not really".
This past Sunday, we left the dogs outside for a little longer than we would have liked. The result:
Muddy paws!
Daisy squirmed all over and eventually escaped from the bathtub. Dave and I chased after our extremely wet and slippery puppy for a good minute or so. It was thoroughly entertaining and we could not stop laughing.
She is now in week three of puppy classes and surprisingly, is the star student. The two of us just smile at each other as the instructor continues to throw praise in her direction. We know that when we arrive home, she is not the same puppy.
Potty training is no longer an issue and has not been an issue for a little while now. I'm very thankful because I hear horror stories about training stubborn huskies all the time. She can now "sit", "lay down", "stand", and "leave it". I guess she's not that bad.
Dakota is still my angel and my snuggler.
This picture is not stage. We honestly fall asleep every once in awhile. Dakota had a severe ear infection so yet again, another trip to the vet. I told my very wonderful veterinarian that I have seen her more in the last 4 months than my own mother.
I still rollerblade twice a day with them. People find a girl on rollerblades with 2 dogs very amusing because everyone has a comment and then just laughs.
Hey, whatever makes them tired.
Something tells me I need to work on my parenting skills. As I am typing this and Daisy and Dakota came crashing into my back during their morning wrestling session.
When Dave comes home from work, we'll be in the office working on our separate computers and the dogs will just bark and "rumble" with each other. He looks at me and then yells, "Doesn't this bother you" and I look at him and reply, "What are you talking about"...."Oh yeah, them...not really".
This past Sunday, we left the dogs outside for a little longer than we would have liked. The result:
Muddy paws!
Daisy squirmed all over and eventually escaped from the bathtub. Dave and I chased after our extremely wet and slippery puppy for a good minute or so. It was thoroughly entertaining and we could not stop laughing.
She is now in week three of puppy classes and surprisingly, is the star student. The two of us just smile at each other as the instructor continues to throw praise in her direction. We know that when we arrive home, she is not the same puppy.
Potty training is no longer an issue and has not been an issue for a little while now. I'm very thankful because I hear horror stories about training stubborn huskies all the time. She can now "sit", "lay down", "stand", and "leave it". I guess she's not that bad.
Dakota is still my angel and my snuggler.
This picture is not stage. We honestly fall asleep every once in awhile. Dakota had a severe ear infection so yet again, another trip to the vet. I told my very wonderful veterinarian that I have seen her more in the last 4 months than my own mother.
I still rollerblade twice a day with them. People find a girl on rollerblades with 2 dogs very amusing because everyone has a comment and then just laughs.
Hey, whatever makes them tired.
Election
I thought it would stop last night...but I think it just continues to get worse. Some of this stuff literally makes me sick to my stomach.
A little background, my parents are so far left and my boyfriend is so far right. I am split right down the middle. However, I do feel this is such a historic time in American. I am proud.
I will admit, I was not a Bush fan, but when he walked into West Point's stadium to give a pretty good speech to the class of 2006, I stood and cheered. When I saw him 2 years earlier at the Army-Navy game, again I stood and cheered and goosebumps filled my arms.
After all, he is the President of the United States, if I am not behind him, who is?
My friend Abby made a great point, if you believe in God and his authority, you shouldn't be disappointed in who gets elected.
I will pray for Obama just liked I prayed for President Bush. It's not about the 2 parties, it's about OUR 1 nation.
Stepping down from my soapbox now.
A little background, my parents are so far left and my boyfriend is so far right. I am split right down the middle. However, I do feel this is such a historic time in American. I am proud.
I will admit, I was not a Bush fan, but when he walked into West Point's stadium to give a pretty good speech to the class of 2006, I stood and cheered. When I saw him 2 years earlier at the Army-Navy game, again I stood and cheered and goosebumps filled my arms.
After all, he is the President of the United States, if I am not behind him, who is?
My friend Abby made a great point, if you believe in God and his authority, you shouldn't be disappointed in who gets elected.
I will pray for Obama just liked I prayed for President Bush. It's not about the 2 parties, it's about OUR 1 nation.
Stepping down from my soapbox now.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Deployment Fear #1
I know quite a few people whose husbands/significant others are deployed and I'm surprised no one has mentioned this...
Bad guys.
He continues to poke fun at me. We were looking at a house across the street from the woods and I told him, "Sorry, no can do, bad guys come from the woods".
Last night I had a dream that a Chinese terrorist was trying to break in and kill me. Granted, he was dressed like one of the star volleyball players on China's Olympic team. WEIRD! I woke up at 4:45am right before I chased after the bad guy and then became surrounded by 25 men in business suits ready to attack me and could not fall back asleep.
This morning I told him when he leaves 1) we need to activate ADT again 2) I need a gun 3) I need another dog 4) I need a phone connected to call 911 5) I need a baseball bat for underneath my bed (sense my exaggeration)
There is not a single night that passes where I am not forever thankful for the sense of security he provides. I think I am just a big baby at times. Every noise escalates by 10 decibels when he is gone. Law & Order SVU might be one of my top 5 favorite shows, now a must NOT watch in the next 12 months.
I believe he summed up my fear with a few short words before he left this morning: "You are a weirdo, but I love you".
Thank goodness for Dakota. She is not afraid of anyone. Daisy, on the other hand, prefers to hide under the bed until she gets the all clear from Dakota.
Sidenote: My dad played for a Chinese team overseas while serving in the Air Force and I am actually obsessed with China's volleyball team.
Bad guys.
He continues to poke fun at me. We were looking at a house across the street from the woods and I told him, "Sorry, no can do, bad guys come from the woods".
Last night I had a dream that a Chinese terrorist was trying to break in and kill me. Granted, he was dressed like one of the star volleyball players on China's Olympic team. WEIRD! I woke up at 4:45am right before I chased after the bad guy and then became surrounded by 25 men in business suits ready to attack me and could not fall back asleep.
This morning I told him when he leaves 1) we need to activate ADT again 2) I need a gun 3) I need another dog 4) I need a phone connected to call 911 5) I need a baseball bat for underneath my bed (sense my exaggeration)
There is not a single night that passes where I am not forever thankful for the sense of security he provides. I think I am just a big baby at times. Every noise escalates by 10 decibels when he is gone. Law & Order SVU might be one of my top 5 favorite shows, now a must NOT watch in the next 12 months.
I believe he summed up my fear with a few short words before he left this morning: "You are a weirdo, but I love you".
Thank goodness for Dakota. She is not afraid of anyone. Daisy, on the other hand, prefers to hide under the bed until she gets the all clear from Dakota.
Sidenote: My dad played for a Chinese team overseas while serving in the Air Force and I am actually obsessed with China's volleyball team.
Monday, November 3, 2008
I will be ok
I think it all started after one of my pilates classes. Pam, who has turned into an amazing friend for me, and I started talking. I really do not like any of the instructors I have had here and really miss my old one.
She looks at me and says, "You sound really homesick".
I never thought I was, but I told her, yes I miss my dry cleaners, my parents, my alma mater, my cousins, my hair stylist...But all of that took me 23 years to build.
Lately my dreams have been images of my old office. Us playing practical jokes on each other and poking fun at one another. I would be lying if I said I missed it, but for some reason, I feel I am right where I am suppose to be.
And here is the best thing about all of this, him. I am not going to lie anymore to anyone. I am depressed about where I am career wise. Some days I am better than others, but I do have those days where I break down and just sob, like this past Friday. Luckily he was home and just held me.
You always watch those movies where the guy completely rescues the girl from where she is at in her life. I sit there in awe of how amazing that kind of love is and then it hit me, I am living it right now.
I know this deployment is going to be tough, but I am not too worried. Granted, I moved down to a completely different city less than 4 months ago where I did not know a single soul. I have a goals list that I will be publishing soon (because once you write it down, then the goals become real). It's about striving, not surving, right :)
I will be tested over and over again in the next 13 months. I say bring it on. I also know that come December 2009, I am going to be a different person. I think a better person and definitely a hell of a stronger person.
She looks at me and says, "You sound really homesick".
I never thought I was, but I told her, yes I miss my dry cleaners, my parents, my alma mater, my cousins, my hair stylist...But all of that took me 23 years to build.
Lately my dreams have been images of my old office. Us playing practical jokes on each other and poking fun at one another. I would be lying if I said I missed it, but for some reason, I feel I am right where I am suppose to be.
And here is the best thing about all of this, him. I am not going to lie anymore to anyone. I am depressed about where I am career wise. Some days I am better than others, but I do have those days where I break down and just sob, like this past Friday. Luckily he was home and just held me.
You always watch those movies where the guy completely rescues the girl from where she is at in her life. I sit there in awe of how amazing that kind of love is and then it hit me, I am living it right now.
I know this deployment is going to be tough, but I am not too worried. Granted, I moved down to a completely different city less than 4 months ago where I did not know a single soul. I have a goals list that I will be publishing soon (because once you write it down, then the goals become real). It's about striving, not surving, right :)
I will be tested over and over again in the next 13 months. I say bring it on. I also know that come December 2009, I am going to be a different person. I think a better person and definitely a hell of a stronger person.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)