Lets hold on to what we got...

As part of our Christmas present, my parents bought theater tickets for my sister, brother, his girlfriend, and I. Today we headed into the city and saw "Jersey Boys", a story about the Four Seasons.

I enjoyed it so much. I never realized how many fun hits they released such as "Walk Like a Man", "Big Girls Don't Cry", "Let's Hold On to What We Got", and so many more.

While talking about plays, I began listing the ones I have seen and noticed I have been to quite a few such as Hairspray, Tony & Tina's Wedding, Phantom of the Opera, Wicked, Lion King...I never thought I would consider myself a theater person, but I actually LOVE going to see Broadway shows. Hopefully I can catch a few more this year.

Marley & Me

So as Dakota curled up in my lap on the couch as she does every night, I finished the final pages of Marley & Me, of course with tears in my eyes.

It was an easy read and call me crazy, I pictured the characters in this story looking somewhat like Owen Wilson and Jennifer Anniston. Now, I can finally go see the movie. I loved the book and felt he truly wrote down what every dog owner feels. Someone I know read the book and did not like it. I could not help but tie it to the fact she never owned a dog.

I find it funny before I decided to even finish the book on this Saturday night, I wanted to write about Dakota and Daisy due to a question my brother brought up on Christmas Eve.

"If you HAD to give up one of them, which one would you give up?". I finally understood my mom, when faced with a difficult decision, would say, "It's like picking a favorite child".

I told him without hesitation, neither one. And he replied with exaggeration on the word, "HAD" and again, I said no thanks.

I love how Dakota curls up with me every night no matter where I lay or her fierce bark when she feels our environment might be threatened. I love how Daisy can honestly lick your hand, face, leg, whatever, for hours straight or how she sleeps on her back with all four paws in the air. Is that comfortable?

Sure, Dakota sometimes annoys me with how much she wants to cuddle where she bats my hand when I try to type or read and Daisy really does live in her own world from time to time, but the good definitely out weighs the bad. And not to mention, they might be two of the biggest reasons I thrive during deployment.

Attempting to keep up with my book club idea, I found a list of questions online. Three really intrigued me to think and at last, type away....

Is the story of "life and love" primarily between John and his dog, or was Marley just a sidekick in a story about John and his family? Were you surprised by how much non-dog related content the book contained? Did you enjoy the parts about John's family or did you wish he would just get on to another dog story?

I really felt if Grogan slipped away from the Marley theme, even for one chapter, the story would be lost. Do not get me wrong, I know the man loved his family more than anything, but he wanted to portray his love for the "World's Worst Dog".

Is this only a book for pet lovers or would people without pets like it too?

This question stumps me. Any non-dogowner out there who absolutely loved this book? I guess those I spoke with, who do not own a dog, really did not get the book hype.

Why do you think Marley & Me topped the bestsellers list after it was released?

Oh, how easy! John Grogan only reinforces crazy dog owners, like myself, really do exist :)



Any thoughts?

Two Weeks Down!

I came running down the stairs this morning to find my parents eating breakfast and like a little kid, I said, "Guess what, guess what?". They of course replied with a confused, "What?". I then said with great enthusiasm, "Only 50 more weeks to go! I made it 2 weeks already!". They shook their heads at me and smiled.

Hey, the glass is always half-full, right?

This past week:

• Still eagerly reading Marley & Me and hope to be done by the end of the weekend
• Started eliptical training this week, which will turn into running very soon
• Attended the church that I grew up with and went to school at for 8 years while home
• CHOPPED 7 inches off my hair!
• Care package safely arrived to him with cookies still tasting delicous
• Survived Christmas :)

I enjoyed a wonderful Christmas with both my family and his family and received amazing gifts.

In the past 2 weeks, I have also found comfort in my daily emails to him. I label the subject of all of my emails with the number of days until he returns. Today will read 351. I keep an index card in my purse at all times and write down my daily happenings as they occur, otherwise I am afraid I will forget something at the end of the night when I finally sit down to type.

Before he deployed, I created a contact list through my email of his parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, aunts, uncles, old football coaches, classmates, etc. I sent 2 emails already updating everyone on his address and overall process and will continue to do so in the next 12 months. The responses I received warm my heart. His family and friends have completely rallied behind me for his deployment.

Lately I found support in the most unusual places and that is not a bad thing and only reinforces how blessed I truly am with the people in my life.

Tradition

I am half way through our first Christmas apart in 9 years...

Tonight I definitely missed the butterflies from him pulling into my driveway every year and trying to rush me out the door to make our annual Chinese dinner with his grandparents and parents. We always dressed up so nicely and I couldn't wait for him to see me all dressed up and I couldn't wait to see him!

No Chinese dinner this year. He is gone and his grandfather is sick.

I missed sitting next to him on the couch as we plowed through our gifts from my parents. I miss him analayzing every one of my gifts and attempting to put it together, before he even finishes unwrapping all of his.

This year, my little brother's first girlfriend joined us.

Christmas morning at his house has been my ultimate favorite where we spend hours opening gifts and laughing at anything and everything.

This year because both of his siblings have serious relationships and must attempt the daunting task of splitting time, everyone must be on the road early tomorrow morning, we opened gifts tonight.

Before all of the festivities, I came close to throwing myself a pity party, before I realized some traditions fade, but I should enjoy the ones that stay.

My mom, sister, and I went for our annual mani and pedi on Christmas Eve and just gossiped about all the good stuff happening in our and everyone elses lives.

I made it half-way through my first Christmas without him in 9 years because of my crazy family, his sweet, funny family, and my beautiful puppies.

I know some traditions will go away, but as cliche as it may sound, the love in my family room and his living room tonight will never, ever fade.

Face pounce

Oh Daisy Mae, how you love to pounce faces and provide an endless supply of kisses. Now granted, I am use to this every morning. Around 8am, I cover my entire face because I know what is about to happen. No reason in particular, just to give some loving.

Tonight, I walked into my parents room to say good-night after a 6 hour drive back home and sure enough Daisy came flying through the door, onto the bed and headed straight for my dad.

He laughed and laughed as she tried to dig her way underneath the covers to his face. It really made my heart smile.

And of course Grandma let them take a few things from their stockings early. So my girls enjoyed themselves tonight.

I am not enjoying the concept of 10 degrees, solid ice, and of course no fenced in backyard. We are definitely heading over to his parent's house tomorrow with their beautiful, huge backyard surrounded by white fencing.

Week One

As I pulled the garbage can to the curb this morning, I suddenly remembered doing it the day he left, exactly a week ago. And in my glass half full moment, time kind of flew by...

Even though I am only 7 days into my goal list, I feel I did accomplish a few things:

• Care package full of a few TV shows on DVDs, Christmas cookies from Megan's' wonderful cookie exchange party tonight, card, gum, power bars, and his favorite hat, is ready to be sent out tomorrow morning, December 20th.
• I am really enjoying "Marley & Me" and might have found a book club here in Clarksville!
• His mom and sister joined me at Church on Sunday and I attended their Wednesday' Advent Service. The pastor's wife actually introduced herself and we chatted for a good 20 minutes.

Another goal I did not mention, but I intend to throw myself into in the next year, is stopping Daisy from jumping on people when they walk into the door...so annoying! I blame this bad habit solely on him.

My week consisted of a few lunches with some pretty amazing women. God has truly blessed me with a wonderful support system here where I am actually excited to hang out and get to know them bettter in the next 12 months.

Baking & Lyrics

Something about baking cookies to a fresh batch of new music you uploaded on your I-pod...

I download Kenny Chesney's "The Woman With You". I finally listend closely to the words and I love, love, love the lyrics.

She said the girl I was with the business degree probally wouldn't recognize me.
I was going around the bank.
I was going to run them out.
Now all I want to run is a bubble bath.
Back then you know I had this plan.
Before all of this reality set in.
Here comes life boy ready or not.
Hey I wanted it all and thats what I got.

Just when it feels like I can't make it through.
She said it sure is nice to just be the woman with you

My best friend

Missing his touch is obvious...

Tonight was the first time I actually talked to him since he left. I felt my mind race 100 miles a minute because I missed my best friend and just wanted to spill my guts. I've sent him probably 10 emails in the 5 days since he left, I continually feel I am going to forget to tell him something. He told me to keep the emails coming.

And this is what might make the next year somewhat difficult. I've been turning to him day in and day out for the past eight and a half years. But thank goodness for technology.

And we ended on this:

Him: I love you baby
Me: I love you too, probably more
Him: That's true, but only because your heart is bigger

Exciting news

Well I think I found the perfect gift for his mother. About a month or so ago I went to a arts and crafts fair on post and saw a woman who created BDU aprons with all of their patches (name, rank, Ranger, Airborne, etc.).

As soon as I got home, I realized I wanted to get it for her and of course I had no way of contacting the apron lady. Well my friend who lives down the street finally found her number for me.

So today I headed over to her house and turns out she will have it done in time for Christmas!

Big Picture

My whole life, some great influences told me to just look at the big picture.

And you know what I say to that now...No thank you.

There are times during the day where my mind wanders to the concept of ONE ENTIRE YEAR without him. I am sure time flies, but not if I take it 12 months at a time. I immediately stop my mind from going there and remind myself to take just today head on. So today went well.

Pros:
Created and addressed all my Christmas cards
Micro-chipped my babies
Michelle won the Biggest Loser
Eliminated a few more things from my very long checklist

Cons:
I am fighting this terrible cold and I am losing!

Our former roommate's girlfriend, Sarah, had her deployment day pushed back almost 4 days. Her family left and I immediately offered to take her whatever the time. She stayed with me last night. I enjoyed her company without a doubt. Well her flight kept getting pushed back and now she leaves tomorrow morning and has to sleep at the hangar. I couldn't even go get her and bring her back here in a nice comfortable bed.

Glass half-full moment: Thank goodness I did not go through this with him. One good-bye was good enough.

Droping her off this afternoon, the same drive and parking lot where I took the love of my life, did not have the same emotions on me (go figure). I am almost glad I drove her because I went back to the scene of the crime with no knots in my stomach.

And finally, some of you asked for my top secret recipe for the butter pecan cupcakes. And now I reveal it with great pride:

Come on, I need another 12 months before I start attempting things from scratch. But boy do these taste good.

Hold me to them...

I wrote these down on a scrap piece of paper quite some time ago. I figure once I publish them online, they become real. My goals for the next 12 months.

Find a Job
Here is the obvious one. We don't care about the pay, just my sanity.

Start a blog
My best friend from college and I plan on starting a blog about my passion, sports.

Run the Nashville Half-Marathon

Run the Chicago Marathon
Thats right, 26.2 miles. I use to love running in college. And Chicago is the easiest course in the country.

Complete my personal trainer's license

LEARN HOW TO SEW!
I want to sew all of my and his college shirts into a blanket. Any advice?

Finish my scrapbook
I scrapbooked our first 5 years together, now I need to work on the next 4 years.

Host game night once a month for my wonderful friends here
I got Wii Fit for Christmas, Rockband 2, and not to mention every board game under the sun :)

Cook for the boys once a month.
We have a few friends from WP here and they promised to take care of me, its the least I can do

Cook three new things a month

Use Quicken to budget

Read 1 new book a month
I already started Marley and Me, apparently I need to read the book before the movie comes out. I also been flirting with starting a book club online. I would love to discuss some of the books I read

Send a package on the 20th on every month.

Accomplish at least 5 "big girl things" in the next 12 months
Pretty much everything He or my dad did for me all my life

Decorate the living room and guest room
Only two rooms left to decorate in our house, not bad.

Church every Sunday
Already went this Sunday with his mom and sister.

Landscape
I really need to dig up some ugly rocks in our front and backyard in the Spring

In general, I really would like to pay more attention to detail. He is my detail-orientated one and I always depend on him for that kind of stuff. I guess I need to do it all by myself this year.

Also, I learned throughout my life that I am constantly surrounded my so many talented people. For example, I feel just in my blog community there are so many women doing so many wonderful things. I really hope to embrace what I am good at in the next year.

D-Day

His last day? Pretty much everything I expected. I was ok with the chaos of family, packing, and last minute errands because my time leading up to that day was amazing.

8:30am We enjoyed a wonderful breakfast at Cracker Barrel with the family. We laughed a lot then ran a few errands at Wal-Mart. I bought him his Christmas present, a portable DVD player. Thanks MTM-to-be :)

10:30 we arrived home and he finished packing with his mom. I said no thanks because I did my fair share of packing beforehand.

12pm we all helped cover the pool. The day before the cover caught wind, blew me over and I landed in the hole in our deck. I have the bruise still to prove my fall was hard.

1pm I started lunch, his favorite, a sassy corn-bread chilli and made his favorite dessert, butter pecan cupcakes. I let the girls lick the bowl and they loved every minute.

The rest of the afternoon consisted of finally preparations and lots of phone calls. The family made jokes about how he was off to his first day of school with one huge backpack.

Before dinner we took our Christmas photo by the new stockings his mom bought for all 4 of us. After all the picture taking, we shared with them our news and lots of hugs were exchanged.

8pm After a nice steak dinner and lots of laughs around our dining room table, he changed into his uniform. I stayed strong pretty much day, until we toasted champaign for his last night and of course when he said good-bye to the dogs. At that moment, tears started to fall. I cannot even imagine saying good-bye to our children in the future.

9:30pm We pulled up to the hangar and you could just feel the somber mood in the air. It was a cold December night where you could see everyone's breath. A lot of men and women in uniform shouting things to one another and we unloaded his belongings into the back of a truck.

10:30pm The rest of the night, we kept light. Sitting around in a circle with his family was hard, because no one knew what to say. As soon as I saw CLR, I jumped up and went to go talk to her and for some reason, I finally felt somewhat relaxed. No words needed to be exchanged about our feelings, we knew exactly what the other one felt.

My friend Jeni and I pretended to fix their rifles and a lot of laughs and pictures continued. His co-pilot on his 6th or something deployment kept the mood very light. I love his stories.

11:20pm Then the announcement came. Ten minutes to say good-bye. His family said their good-byes first and we had a few minutes alone. He was sweet and ensuring I would kick butt in the next year. I told him not only did I know I could handle this, but he could handle it as well. He held my hand and led me as far as he could. He left me with Jeni as he headed to formation. We hugged and she turned to me and said "Aren't you so proud of them".

And I actually smiled. With the millions of emotions I felt, I cannot believed I left that one out! She was absolutely right. I was so damn proud and again at ease for the time being.

We watched them load the buses. After he shook all the important people's hands. I said his name. He turned at the last possible minute and said "Love you baby". His mom thanked me as she caught his look on tape.

12am We drove away and headed home. His sister, my best friend, actually slept with me the first night. We talked until 2am and I finally fell fast asleep.

I survived. And now I am going to thrive...

And we are under way...

Dakota wet the bed last night and Daisy left me another surprise by the door.

Today is Day One.

Gotta keep going....

Preparation

During my on-air shifts at the radio station, I read and re-read what I planned to say on the next break.

I guess I am making this process a TAD bit easier by thinking and saying out loud what I plan to do in the next few months. I have a goal list a few pages long. Yes, ambitous I know.

Somehow I forgot to mention his sister has a 99% chance of landing her 1st clinical here over the summer. She's actually one of my best friends, so God sent me one blessing already.

I went on usps.com and ordered 10 boxes to ship to my house for free. I also visited the boys favorite coffee place in town and prepared a box to ship to them when they get there.

So as my checklist dwindles down, I find myself with terrible knots in my stomach. I've been pacing back and forth in the kitchen, following him around the house while he packs, and trying to fight back the tears I feel coming on as we speak.

The hustle and bustle over the last few days really took my mind off things. I slowly prepared for myself for his absence. I guess I never prepared myself to actually say good-bye.

Tis the season...

With his upcoming deployment running in conjunction with the holidays, I guess I am learning a alot about priorities. For instance, it looks as though a bomb went off in my house, a giant ACU/BDU bomb. And with family arriving tomorrow, I am surprisingly calm and ok with it all.

I also have yet to work out since our return home from Chicago. Oh well, right? And today, although we do not have a ton of money to spare, my friend Jeni and I "adopted" 2 little boys from the Soldier Tree here at the PX and bought clothes and of course toys. I loved the feeling of handing over a bunch of wrapped presents for someone else's kids.

Tonight we decorated our Christmas tree and although we have 1 actual ornament, I enjoyed our memory together while trying to place the bulbs perfectly on the tree.

And of course my kiddos. Something tells me they will help me more in the 12 months more than I have ever helped them. While in Chicago, God blessed my puppies with 3-4 inches of snow. Trying to get them inside was not necessarily the best present for me, but I have ton of pictures of digging, rolling, and running in the very cold, white snow.

Also, on a somewhat amusing note. We like being in bed between 10-11pm every night. Last night we were both upstairs in the office trying to get some paperwork, etc. done and Dakota would not stop whinning and spinning in circles. In between her temper tantrums, she would place her head on my lap and look at me as if I was doing something wrong. I finally looked at my clock and went, whoa, it is way past our bedtime. Once we headed downstairs to go to bed, all was right, in her world at least.

Making a list.

Oh the checklists we have created over the past 48 hours and the wonderful feeling I get when we cross it off together. Here are the few big ones, for me at least.

Christmas Tree -CHECK
Decorate for Christmas- CHECK
Set up Skype- CHECK

And brand new computer :) - CHECK!

My computer from college is ancient. With my past job, they gave me a brand new computer that I unfortunately had to give it back. So yesterday while completing our Christmas shopping, Dave informed me of my gift this year. I absolutely love it.

It will probably be the most useful gift ever, especially in the next year.

Everything I could have asked for and more.

December 9, 2008

On this very gloomy day where the rain did not stop...

He and I made a memory, one I will probably never forget. He always said its just me and him in this together and today represented just that.

Countdown

I finally cried. When we left our families on Sunday, my dad turned to him and started crying. I have not seen my dad cry...ever I think. And then he said, "Come home safe for my baby girl, she loves you and I love you".

Oh thank you dad.

In typical Army fashion, they moved his D-day up 2 days. I expected this, but his family who planned on coming down two days earlier, now will arrive the day he leaves.

And now? We are sitting by the fire, watching One Tree Hill, our favorite, while drinking coffee on this cold rainy day.

I am so blessed.

::Sidenote:: I hate the ferrero rocher commercial where they ring the doorbell. It is not sensitive to people who own dogs. Dakota goes crazy EVERY single time the commercial comes on TV.

Just fine

Well after too many consecutive days of spending every waking moment together, I decided for a little break last night.

My mom and I agreed to drag our butts over to my sister's with monopoly and in our flannel pjs. My sister made her husband go and buy wine. With all four of us, the laughing did not stop.

Its been quite some time since I last had more than 1 glass of wine. Somewhere around midnight my sister refused my offer to fold her laundry for $200 worth of monopoly money so I decided to spread her laundry all over her condo. We then began wrestling.

I lost in wrestling and monopoly. Rough night, but oh so much fun.

Under Pressure

The constant bouncing back and forth between houses can at times be a bit stressful for us right now. I also realized in the past 5 months, we have spent every day and night together.

And what an accomplishment that we still love each other and laugh while playing Wii or walking the dogs at night. I remember way back when, hearing people talk about how different living together versus just dating really can be. I never understood it until now and it is kind of hard to explain.

Of course with all the visits we made over the past 2 weeks to say his good-byes, people tilt their head and ask, "And so how are handling this?". I look and honestly reply, "Just fine, I prepared for this day over 7 years ago when he first told me he wanted to go to West Point".

It is inevitable how much I will miss him and his victory dance, his hugs and laugh, the way he talks to the dogs, and so much more, but for some reason I do not find myself contemplating him leaving or the fact he will not return until late 2009. I actually wish I could push him onto a plane and get this show on the road. I am actually concentrating more on my goals I need to accomplish and the life I need to start living without him.

At lunch with the wonderful Megan a few weeks ago, she made an excellent point of how there is another life you are ready to get started in order to begin the countdown for his return.

That is where I am at now.

For awhile I thought it would be his mom consoling me as he walked away to get on his flight, but the more I talk to her, I realize I actually have to prepare myself to be the strong one. Today I saw his grandfather cry as Dave walked out the door. I gave him a big hug and said, he is going to be OK. And when I stopped by his dad's office, his secretary told me how nervous his father gets when talking about him leaving.

When Dave turned to me the other day and asked how do I feel. I responded with an enthusiastic, "I am so excited for you".

Does this sound crazy? I am actually excited for the love of my life to head into a war zone? Over the years when I mention West Point, I am immediately hit with the questions of deployment. I respond quite confidently with the whole, "If you want people over there, you want people over there like him".

He has worked the past 6 and a half years and prepared for this very moment of his life.

And let me tell you, I guess I have done some preparation of my own because right now my whole mentality is bring it on.

Diet anyone?

Peanut butter cookies with a chocolate chip in the middle, puppy chow, pizza, stuffing, chinese food, McDonald's, pumpkin bread...

These are all a few of my favorite things, well this past week at least. If you know me, I am a absolute terrible eater (chocolate is a must for breakfast). This is typically not a problem due to pilates classes, dog walking, and runs on the treadmill, however my commute to the gym rounds off to a 6 hour drive.

My mom just recovered from my brother's football season. Tailgating is the devil according to her so she recently purchased the "Melt It Off" program which contains a 3-day kick-off. She does a lot better with support so I said, why not.

I've been lucky over the years. I never suffered any body image issues ever in my life, but as I like to tell those who laugh at me as I say diet, I just know where I am comfortable weight wise and lets just say, I'm not there :)

So while I am eating egg-whites and grapefruit for breakfast, Dave chows down on some Cinamon Toast Crunch and peanut butter M&Ms, my favorite selection for breakfast.

I never realized how much temptation is around during the holidays because for the most part, I just give in before the food even gets a chance to tempt me.

Still holding strong 6 hours later. Our lunch selection today consists of tuna, lettuce, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, and rick cake for me and leftover chinese food for David.

I am doing this for my mother. At least thats what I keep replaying over and over in my head as I stare at Dave's mom's turtle cookies.

Let it snow...

The best part about being from Chi-town and living down south is I can now consider snow a gift...

I know it has been awhile.

Some accomplishments:

Visited with best friend from high school who is the most beautiful, glowing pregnant woman

Gained quite a bit of weight

Finished a 500 page book in 4 days. Does anyone else love Jodi Picoult? I cannot put her books down.

We will be visiting family until Sunday. My mom and I are planning to start a 3-day diet workout tomorrow. I will let you know how it goes.

T-minus 13 days before D-Day. Some days I would love to put him on a plane the very next day. I never thought we would be that couple, but we have been at each other's throats and get aggrivated much faster.

Time to go walk all 4 dogs. I wish I had a camera.