D-Day

His last day? Pretty much everything I expected. I was ok with the chaos of family, packing, and last minute errands because my time leading up to that day was amazing.

8:30am We enjoyed a wonderful breakfast at Cracker Barrel with the family. We laughed a lot then ran a few errands at Wal-Mart. I bought him his Christmas present, a portable DVD player. Thanks MTM-to-be :)

10:30 we arrived home and he finished packing with his mom. I said no thanks because I did my fair share of packing beforehand.

12pm we all helped cover the pool. The day before the cover caught wind, blew me over and I landed in the hole in our deck. I have the bruise still to prove my fall was hard.

1pm I started lunch, his favorite, a sassy corn-bread chilli and made his favorite dessert, butter pecan cupcakes. I let the girls lick the bowl and they loved every minute.

The rest of the afternoon consisted of finally preparations and lots of phone calls. The family made jokes about how he was off to his first day of school with one huge backpack.

Before dinner we took our Christmas photo by the new stockings his mom bought for all 4 of us. After all the picture taking, we shared with them our news and lots of hugs were exchanged.

8pm After a nice steak dinner and lots of laughs around our dining room table, he changed into his uniform. I stayed strong pretty much day, until we toasted champaign for his last night and of course when he said good-bye to the dogs. At that moment, tears started to fall. I cannot even imagine saying good-bye to our children in the future.

9:30pm We pulled up to the hangar and you could just feel the somber mood in the air. It was a cold December night where you could see everyone's breath. A lot of men and women in uniform shouting things to one another and we unloaded his belongings into the back of a truck.

10:30pm The rest of the night, we kept light. Sitting around in a circle with his family was hard, because no one knew what to say. As soon as I saw CLR, I jumped up and went to go talk to her and for some reason, I finally felt somewhat relaxed. No words needed to be exchanged about our feelings, we knew exactly what the other one felt.

My friend Jeni and I pretended to fix their rifles and a lot of laughs and pictures continued. His co-pilot on his 6th or something deployment kept the mood very light. I love his stories.

11:20pm Then the announcement came. Ten minutes to say good-bye. His family said their good-byes first and we had a few minutes alone. He was sweet and ensuring I would kick butt in the next year. I told him not only did I know I could handle this, but he could handle it as well. He held my hand and led me as far as he could. He left me with Jeni as he headed to formation. We hugged and she turned to me and said "Aren't you so proud of them".

And I actually smiled. With the millions of emotions I felt, I cannot believed I left that one out! She was absolutely right. I was so damn proud and again at ease for the time being.

We watched them load the buses. After he shook all the important people's hands. I said his name. He turned at the last possible minute and said "Love you baby". His mom thanked me as she caught his look on tape.

12am We drove away and headed home. His sister, my best friend, actually slept with me the first night. We talked until 2am and I finally fell fast asleep.

I survived. And now I am going to thrive...

Preparation

During my on-air shifts at the radio station, I read and re-read what I planned to say on the next break.

I guess I am making this process a TAD bit easier by thinking and saying out loud what I plan to do in the next few months. I have a goal list a few pages long. Yes, ambitous I know.

Somehow I forgot to mention his sister has a 99% chance of landing her 1st clinical here over the summer. She's actually one of my best friends, so God sent me one blessing already.

I went on usps.com and ordered 10 boxes to ship to my house for free. I also visited the boys favorite coffee place in town and prepared a box to ship to them when they get there.

So as my checklist dwindles down, I find myself with terrible knots in my stomach. I've been pacing back and forth in the kitchen, following him around the house while he packs, and trying to fight back the tears I feel coming on as we speak.

The hustle and bustle over the last few days really took my mind off things. I slowly prepared for myself for his absence. I guess I never prepared myself to actually say good-bye.

Tis the season...

With his upcoming deployment running in conjunction with the holidays, I guess I am learning a alot about priorities. For instance, it looks as though a bomb went off in my house, a giant ACU/BDU bomb. And with family arriving tomorrow, I am surprisingly calm and ok with it all.

I also have yet to work out since our return home from Chicago. Oh well, right? And today, although we do not have a ton of money to spare, my friend Jeni and I "adopted" 2 little boys from the Soldier Tree here at the PX and bought clothes and of course toys. I loved the feeling of handing over a bunch of wrapped presents for someone else's kids.

Tonight we decorated our Christmas tree and although we have 1 actual ornament, I enjoyed our memory together while trying to place the bulbs perfectly on the tree.

And of course my kiddos. Something tells me they will help me more in the 12 months more than I have ever helped them. While in Chicago, God blessed my puppies with 3-4 inches of snow. Trying to get them inside was not necessarily the best present for me, but I have ton of pictures of digging, rolling, and running in the very cold, white snow.

Also, on a somewhat amusing note. We like being in bed between 10-11pm every night. Last night we were both upstairs in the office trying to get some paperwork, etc. done and Dakota would not stop whinning and spinning in circles. In between her temper tantrums, she would place her head on my lap and look at me as if I was doing something wrong. I finally looked at my clock and went, whoa, it is way past our bedtime. Once we headed downstairs to go to bed, all was right, in her world at least.

Countdown

I finally cried. When we left our families on Sunday, my dad turned to him and started crying. I have not seen my dad cry...ever I think. And then he said, "Come home safe for my baby girl, she loves you and I love you".

Oh thank you dad.

In typical Army fashion, they moved his D-day up 2 days. I expected this, but his family who planned on coming down two days earlier, now will arrive the day he leaves.

And now? We are sitting by the fire, watching One Tree Hill, our favorite, while drinking coffee on this cold rainy day.

I am so blessed.

::Sidenote:: I hate the ferrero rocher commercial where they ring the doorbell. It is not sensitive to people who own dogs. Dakota goes crazy EVERY single time the commercial comes on TV.

Under Pressure

The constant bouncing back and forth between houses can at times be a bit stressful for us right now. I also realized in the past 5 months, we have spent every day and night together.

And what an accomplishment that we still love each other and laugh while playing Wii or walking the dogs at night. I remember way back when, hearing people talk about how different living together versus just dating really can be. I never understood it until now and it is kind of hard to explain.

Of course with all the visits we made over the past 2 weeks to say his good-byes, people tilt their head and ask, "And so how are handling this?". I look and honestly reply, "Just fine, I prepared for this day over 7 years ago when he first told me he wanted to go to West Point".

It is inevitable how much I will miss him and his victory dance, his hugs and laugh, the way he talks to the dogs, and so much more, but for some reason I do not find myself contemplating him leaving or the fact he will not return until late 2009. I actually wish I could push him onto a plane and get this show on the road. I am actually concentrating more on my goals I need to accomplish and the life I need to start living without him.

At lunch with the wonderful Megan a few weeks ago, she made an excellent point of how there is another life you are ready to get started in order to begin the countdown for his return.

That is where I am at now.

For awhile I thought it would be his mom consoling me as he walked away to get on his flight, but the more I talk to her, I realize I actually have to prepare myself to be the strong one. Today I saw his grandfather cry as Dave walked out the door. I gave him a big hug and said, he is going to be OK. And when I stopped by his dad's office, his secretary told me how nervous his father gets when talking about him leaving.

When Dave turned to me the other day and asked how do I feel. I responded with an enthusiastic, "I am so excited for you".

Does this sound crazy? I am actually excited for the love of my life to head into a war zone? Over the years when I mention West Point, I am immediately hit with the questions of deployment. I respond quite confidently with the whole, "If you want people over there, you want people over there like him".

He has worked the past 6 and a half years and prepared for this very moment of his life.

And let me tell you, I guess I have done some preparation of my own because right now my whole mentality is bring it on.