Week Thirteen

13 weeks down on Friday the 13th.

After three days of feeling just down right lethargic and miserable, I do not think I am going to run the half-marathon tomorrow. My tailbone, believe it or not, hurts a lot when its cold outside. Temperatures should reach the high 40s with showers all morning.

I do not feel like pushing it especially since I start work on Monday.

I hate, hate, hate that I am not going to run. I also hate sitting around doing nothing, but even standing for awhile makes me tired.



This week, after 13 weeks, I am starting to "forget" what life with him is like. When he left the walls echoed his name and our memories together filled the air in the house. I hate saying this, but our house now feels like my house. I am falling into a steady routine of life without him.

Not to mention, my current reading selection: The Day After He Left for Iraq by Melissa Seligman

I never thought I would pick this book up and read it, however, with subbing, reading became an addiction. I read two other books (Celebutants by Amanda Goldberg & To Have And To Hold by Jane Green) in less than 3 weeks.

Some chapters I want to shake her and tell her to get it together and other times I think to myself, you poor, amazing Army Wife, trying to survive deployment with 2 young kids and living at Drum with all that snow. Either way, this book really makes me think...

I am glad I am reading it. It shows everyone handles deployments differently. The author writes honestly. However, I think she concentrates more on "poor me" instead of "thriving".

Here I handle deployment with denial and numbness. And to be honest, in 13 weeks, only 2 days stick out in my mind where I thought to myself "I do not want to do this". Seligman, on the other hand, does not deny her feelings, her loneliness, her pain, or her anger at her husband. Her emotions and energy pours over into developing her 2-year old daughter's attitude toward her daddy being at "work".

Oh so many thoughts on this book. I hope to finish it in the next few days.


Besides reading, I did manage to cook something new for our pot luck this week. I love how I force myself to make new things every month. This week our theme was "Soup and Sandwiches" and I volunteered to make the sandwiches.

Instead of the traditional sub sandwiches, I found a recipe for Awesome Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. I finally used my panini press and the sandwiches consisted of mozzarella, roasted turkey, red peppers, and Texas Toast slices.



Being sick does has its perks. I managed to have a two hour conversation with him over Skype, our longest conversations since he left. Sometimes I forget how sweet he is or how lucky I am to be falling in love with my best friend. My best friend who always makes me smile.

While talking about my new job.

Him: I just don't think you understand how good you are
Me: Ha, what do you mean?
Him: You have the body of a porn star, the attitude of a Midwest girl, the drive of a CEO, and more passion than anyone I know and you don't even know it.

I may not get flowers or sweet emails all of the time, but that's ok...

Avoid

Today it finally clicked in my head, I am right smack in the middle of a deployment. I heard a few times, "You seem to be handling yourself very well".

My secret: AVOIDANCE

I avoid letting my feelings get away from me. I avoid the concept of going through another winter, spring, summer, and fall before I even get remotely close to him coming home. I avoid day dreams of curling up next to him and watching our favorite television shows together.

One day at a time...However, I cannot and will not avoid how unbelievably lucky I am. And all this time away will be worth it when I get to see him again.

On a different topic, I attempted to read three different books in the past week and threw them all back onto the shelves. I really love reading. I enjoy how it takes me away from reality. I read a lot while visiting different people with him during block leave. Everyone continued to ask the same questions, so I would hide away in a book and felt so much better about everything.

Marley & Me

So as Dakota curled up in my lap on the couch as she does every night, I finished the final pages of Marley & Me, of course with tears in my eyes.

It was an easy read and call me crazy, I pictured the characters in this story looking somewhat like Owen Wilson and Jennifer Anniston. Now, I can finally go see the movie. I loved the book and felt he truly wrote down what every dog owner feels. Someone I know read the book and did not like it. I could not help but tie it to the fact she never owned a dog.

I find it funny before I decided to even finish the book on this Saturday night, I wanted to write about Dakota and Daisy due to a question my brother brought up on Christmas Eve.

"If you HAD to give up one of them, which one would you give up?". I finally understood my mom, when faced with a difficult decision, would say, "It's like picking a favorite child".

I told him without hesitation, neither one. And he replied with exaggeration on the word, "HAD" and again, I said no thanks.

I love how Dakota curls up with me every night no matter where I lay or her fierce bark when she feels our environment might be threatened. I love how Daisy can honestly lick your hand, face, leg, whatever, for hours straight or how she sleeps on her back with all four paws in the air. Is that comfortable?

Sure, Dakota sometimes annoys me with how much she wants to cuddle where she bats my hand when I try to type or read and Daisy really does live in her own world from time to time, but the good definitely out weighs the bad. And not to mention, they might be two of the biggest reasons I thrive during deployment.

Attempting to keep up with my book club idea, I found a list of questions online. Three really intrigued me to think and at last, type away....

Is the story of "life and love" primarily between John and his dog, or was Marley just a sidekick in a story about John and his family? Were you surprised by how much non-dog related content the book contained? Did you enjoy the parts about John's family or did you wish he would just get on to another dog story?

I really felt if Grogan slipped away from the Marley theme, even for one chapter, the story would be lost. Do not get me wrong, I know the man loved his family more than anything, but he wanted to portray his love for the "World's Worst Dog".

Is this only a book for pet lovers or would people without pets like it too?

This question stumps me. Any non-dogowner out there who absolutely loved this book? I guess those I spoke with, who do not own a dog, really did not get the book hype.

Why do you think Marley & Me topped the bestsellers list after it was released?

Oh, how easy! John Grogan only reinforces crazy dog owners, like myself, really do exist :)



Any thoughts?