It all started this morning.
He passed Pathfinder and the graduation ceremony was going to take place this morning. I told him last night I wanted to go with him onto post, since I am still a civilian in their eyes.
He said I should be fine.
Now as we approach on deployment, I am worrying about getting onto post, getting information, etc. He is my best friend and I tell him everything, but I never told him this.
I drive to Gate 4 to get my guest pass and notice the line is out the door. Here I thought 40 minutes would be plenty of time to get my guest pass. Well with people cutting in front of me and the ladies behind the counter goofing off and looking at cell phone pictures, I ended up being 10 minutes late.
The poor guy at the gate who inspects the car just let me go and told me I would be OK. I could not stop crying, I just let it all out.
I stopped when I walked up to the building. He walked out and I just lost it. I started crying and swearing. To sum up my conversation I just said, "After 8 and a half years of dealing with crap, I am nobody to the Army so I might as well be nobody to you. Why am I living in an Army town and am a nobody". Luckily he was the only one to notice my breakdown.
I missed his graduation. I missed the pinning and to put icing on the cake, he informed me he was the honor grad in his class. I wanted to be there so bad.
I just continued to cry and cry. He was incredibly sweet. I eventually calmed down after we arrived home and he made me lunch. I have no idea why I cried. I am usually strong and make cracks when it comes to our situation.
Sometimes it just gets to me after all these years, I feel like a second class citizen.
The worst part, my eyes hurt so bad, still after 7+ hours.
10 comments:
I'm sorry to hear that you had a difficult time this morning. Normally you probably would have been fine getting a pass, but they had a flight this morning. You should have called me, I could have driven you right on without you needing a pass. Hope you had a better afternoon!
I am so sorry that you missed it! I guess I take it for granted, but you mean as much to him as any wife and I wish you would get the same respect. I know this also is one more thing to add to your list of worries.
I'm sorry you missed all that :-( I really am. I feel for you. When we went through our first deployment I was 'just a girlfriend'. I felt/knew that I had no right to know anything. Add to that that he was part of a PRT, there was no such thing as an FRG. All that last minute deployment stress with updating wills, paperwork, insurance and whatnot weren't topics for us because we weren't married, so I felt like I didn't matter.
Anyways.
Congrats to him for passing Pathfinder and for being the honor grad in his class... :-) That is awesome! And know that you deserve credit for helping him through this all :-)
So many flashbacks of our fights before getting engaged struck me with this one. Ugh, even though it was bad just remember your normal, and that those fights are totally natural. You feel like you're not equal with the Army.
But here's something to keep you sane: Even when you are engaged or DO get married. You're /still/ not equal to the Army.... haha. I'm kidding. My husband always puts me first but sometimes he doesn't have a choice. It's kind of like you always have to share.
So yeah, you're perfectly normal and a first class citizen all the way. ;)
I am so sorry you had such a rotten experience. It isn't fair, but it's just the way it works :(
If it makes you feel better, my husband has been gone two months now and I never got a call/email or anything from our FRG or unit to let me know he got to Kuwait or Iraq. I never hear anything about what his unit is doing over there. The only way I get information is from Z himself. So, other than the official paperwork? It doesn't make a big difference!
The first time I went to get a gate pass at Benning, the guy at giving me the pass yelled at me for not being prepared because I grabbed my old registration instead of my new one. I wound up missing being able to pick Michael up for his 8 hour pass from Ranger school. I cried in the parking lot of the visitor center, until he called me to tell me where to meet him.
ditto on what the other ladies said. Even when your wearing a wedding rings somethings dont always change depending on the unit (or squadron). Hang in there and just know that to him you are everything. The army might have to come first sometimes (ok a lot if its anything like the Marine Corps around here) but know that in his heart you will always be first. always.
I second everyone else, I'm sorry you had a rough time :-( I'm glad he was there and was understanding, it's a rough situation. Congrats to him for being honor grad though!
I can only imagine how frustrating that was!! Just remember, the Army is often stupid. Just remember that you are #1 to your man!! Congrats to the both of you for making it through another school!!
First off I'm sorry you missed the ceremony.
Second: I feel exactly as you do (to an extent of course) especially with this deployment coming up. In the eyes of the army i'm no one and i mean nothing. I'm just his girlfriend. But in my mind, i know i'm his best friend, the person who's been there through EVERYTHING - good and bad and it's a slap in the face when people downplay your role in someone's life because you don't have a ring on your finger.
It's so hurtful and it's so discouraging. Especially when you see the guys who met their wife a month or two a go and they know more, can do more and are included more than you are.
That's where i stand with everything going into deployment and it's been my biggest struggle to cope with.
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