Tennis balls and kickboxing.

I now have a love/hate relationship with my kickboxing class. My instructor explains, you get what you put into the class. So crazy me, I punch and kick with a great deal of force. I love it!

I am fine during the class. I never really feel like curling up in a ball at any time to cry because of the intensity. However, like right now, I am sore all over and wonder why I punish my body like I do.

And finally, my sweet Dakota found a tennis ball somewhere in the house. She keeps pushing it under the couch, the love seat, and the chair every 2 minutes and starts whining until I get off my butt and dig for it underneath the furniture.

Does she not understand how darn sore I am?

Fate

Lately I cannot stop thinking about fate and God's will.

During the end of my freshman year of high school, if my friends, Josh and Aaron, did not turn onto Harrison Ave the same exact time as him. I honestly believe we would not be together.

If this force, stronger than the both of us, did not help us through high school, proms, Beast, WP, college, delayed flights, graduations, Ranger School, flight school, workaholics, deployment...I doubt I would be where I am today.

I truly feel so blessed where I am in my life. There are a few things I should worry about, but I feel its never really been in my control anyways.

I know everything is going to work out exactly the way it should.


::sidenote:: I did not eat the ice cream. My friend brought over Cold Stone cake, so I ate that instead :)

Hammering

What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop. -Meredith Grey

When I first heard this quote, I didn't really comprehend its true meaning. That is until I stopped working...

A job offer appeared in my email this morning. Everything I could ask for really, except I would head right back down the path of long, ridiculous hours at times.

At least I have more than enough time to think about it...

Ben & Jerry's

So I find it funny that when people ask how I am doing so far with deployment, I reply...

"He bought me a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream a week before he left, just in case I needed it after having a bad day. And guess what? Its still sealed up and in the freezer".

Now question, is it bad I want to open it up not for its intended purpose, but instead to fulfill this ice cream craving that just hit me all of a sudden?

I should treat myself to it after an hour of a strenuous kickboxing class that I not only survived, but pretty much breezed through.

But what about if it comes time when I actually need that pint of 1,000 calorie goodness?

Oh these tough decisions...

I let you know what I decide.

Week Three

Another garbage day....another week down! Terrible correlation I know.

This might be my most productive week yet! Update on my goals:

• Started running this week on the treadmill and my grand total = 6 miles
• Created my full resume. I swear I did everything under the sun in college and worked for two companies last year. Now I can add/delete according to which job I will apply to
• Cooked my new dish tonight and invited Jeni and her kids as my guinea pigs. And since I did not like the Penne Vodka in my cookbook, I stole D.A.R.'s recipe...delicious :)
• Downloaded Quicken to my new computer
• Finished Marley & Me and started and now half-way through The Beach House by Jane Green for my book club here this month
• Daisy did not jump on my guests tonight! Mostly because I pinned her down until she calmly sat like the beautiful, sweet husky I know, but hey, whatever works.
• I missed church this week. As I began to walk out the door, Dave showed up on Skype. A tough decision, but I ended up talking to him for a whole 20 minutes on the webcam.
• Drum roll please... I already syncronized my Wii-Fit, changed a light bulb, set up my Slinbox, figured out how to work our video camera to tape the puppies, and finally learned how to work the thermostat in my house (pathetic I know). All of these combined should at least equal 1 big girl moment, ha!

So far so good, minus missing church. I really feel this week flew by and a large part can be accredited to working on my deployment goals.

Also, I am thrilled to be back in full swing at the gym. I love, love, love working out, but because of the chaos over the last month or so, working out moved to the bottom of the priority list.

No donut for me.

Before he left, I made the decision to not do the infamous Donut of Misery until at least the summer.

I countdown time like I run. I will make it 10 minutes. I will make it until the next commercial. I will make it to the brick house with nice landscaping.

That being said, I promised myself I would plan things to look forward to and enjoy 2009. Instead of counting down until I see him, I will count down to these fun times ahead.

January
Mom visits to paint and decorate my living room and second guest room

Febuary
Fly to Arizona to visit my best friend a few weeks after she delivers her first baby!

March
Drive to Savannah to see one of my favorite WPers marry an amazing woman.

April
Fly to Tampa Bay to be the best darn bridesmaid in my other best friend's wedding
Nasvhille Half-Marathon

May
Drive home to celebrate my mom's 50th and my parent's 25th wedding anniversary

June
Brother turns 21

August
R&R and our 9 year anniversary

September
Start of my brother's football season and tailgating with the family. Go Little Giants!

October
Chicago Marathon

And FYI, I am currently updating on the living room floor because Dakota just kicked me off the couch!

2008

I have no problem saying good-bye to 2008. I felt the year was a tale of two halves for me. I looked back at pictures and my old Live Journal to help me write my year in review. And what did I find...

January-June

I never thought it would happen, but I became a dog person. I fell in love with Dakota. In January I visited him down at Fort Rucker. This would be our last good weekend together for over 6 months. One of my favorite pictures from last year:

I did not realize how freaking much I worked. Looking back at my journal from last year, I updated 7 times in 6 months! I commuted one hour to and from work everyday. I worked at the office from 7am until 8pm every night. When it came to tournament time, I worked Friday-Sunday 6am-1am.

I loved every minute, however, I failed to notice how much I pushed people out of my life. I fought with my sister the first 2 months over her wedding. She wanted a better Maid of Honor. I wanted to work. As a result, I also fought with my mom. I didn't have time for her or him...

We fought and fought and fought some more through January and Feburary. By the time I finally reached out to him at the end of March, it was too late.

For the first time in 8 years, my whole body became numb towards him. I didn't care about losing him, his family, his friends, our relationship. We had the exact same relationship for so long...Visiting on weekends once a month then heading back to our "regular" life. I gave up.

He didn't...Thank God.

We dated other people. Dating for the first time since 15, I found someone completely opposite of him. While fun at the beginning, the newness began to wear away. One month into the relationship, I sat on the stairs and cried telling my mom I just missed my best friend.

However, with work, I didn't have time to reach out.

July

On July 2, 2008. He called and wanted to meet me. I had not seen his face since early Febuary. I drove to Wendy's parking lot, our favorite hangout through high school. He sat on the curb. I headed over to sit next to him and put my head into my knees and just bawled. He placed his hand on my back to console me and I felt my entire body melt.

I missed his touch.

7 days later, I found out about my boss. I immediately quit my job and drove 6 hours to Campbell from Chicago and he drove 6 hours from Rucker. We finally met in the middle.

August

We bought a house together. We bought another beautiful puppy together.

I absolutley loved living with him and our girls.

September-October

I wanted to work again. It defined who I was for so long. I started to define myself in other terms, as a friend. Our Saturday volleyball gang

Instead of being negative about my situation, I embraced it. I decorated and painted our house. I landscaped with his parents. I became a better cook. I took Daisy to obedience classes and worked with both of them every night. I began to blog more frequently. I reconnected with friends.

November

Whether I liked it or not, I threw myself in the Army. With his Pathfinder and Air Assault slot and block leave. November was definitely our Army month. I began preparing myself for his deployment. Every day I told myself I was going to kick ass.

His Air Assault graduation.

December

Our 2 weeks before he left, everything I could ask for and more. It helped tremondoulsy with the hustle and bustle of D-Day. I knew I did everything I could do to make it easier.

This month in this year was a memorable year, both good and bad.

Alone and smiling on Christmas next to his stocking.

I always feel the way I spend New Years Eve serves as a metaphor for how my year will turn out. Last year, we went outside our comfort zone to a fancy club. It was not us. We spent most of the night complaining. After midnight, we left. We left hand and hand in beautiful downtown Chicago and walked 2 miles in a breath taking light snow fall.

This year, I headed over to Jeni's. Her mom made an amazing Korean dinner. I played with her babies, played Scrabble, and rang in the New Year with a glass of wine and a hug from an amazing friend.

I smiled at her after our hug and said, "Our boys come home this year".

So see you later 2008 and bring on 2009. I am ready for it with a whole army of support behind me :)