One more thing...

Keeping up with my deployment goals, I sent my second care package on 20 January. I wanted to share what I sent. I feel it is only fair since I love reading what Kristen at Steady As We Go sends her husband. And I often steal her ideas :)

I created a "Thing I know you miss back at home" and it contained the following:

muddy paws - The girls always bring mud inside the house so I stamped the inside of the box with their paw prints

stuffed husky & rotweiller - Obviously he misses the girls


People magazine- I love this magazine and although he thinks I waste money, I always catch him reading it or looking at the pictures

The Book of Us- We already filled this one out a few years back, but I thought it would be cute for him to go back and read the answers

Slingbox software- It works here, I just hope it will work over there so he can watch his favorite shows.

Mixed CD- I filled the CD with Rockband songs and songs from our favorite shows. I know he misses playing Rockband. And oh yeah, a few that I use to belt out singing in the shower while getting ready together.

Cookies- I am slowly learning to cook, but he already loves my baking

Oceanspray Crasins- To remind him of our grocery shopping trips. These were always on the list.

USAA Debit Card- It finally came in the mail, so I attached a note saying, "I know you miss spending money on me" Ha.

Marley & Me- He says he misses the craziness of the dogs, this book suited our craziness perfectly

Penn State Shirt- He HATES when I steal his clothes and wear them, so I wore his favorite shirt each time I stepped out of the shower for 3 weeks. I sealed it in a ziplock bag to hopefully keep my scent and let him know that I am still stealing his clothes.


Last time he received his package in 6 days during the Christmas holidays, I am anxious for him to receive this one. He and the guys say receiving packages definitely lift their spirts, so I love putting them together for him.

Week Six

And my gift for surviving six weeks of deployment...a nasty cold, soar throat and overall lethargic mood. Luckily my cousin stopped by to visit with me this weekend since she worked only an hour from my house this entire week, otherwise I would still be in bed. She took me to my favorite restaurant, bought my favorite bottle of wine, and brought goodies for Dakota and Daisy.

This week I did a few more productive things. I hosted my first game night on Thursday and started/arranged a weekly pot luck dinner with a few of my girlfriends whose husbands left around the same time. This will hopefully encourage cooking and discourage chips and salsa.

And in other accomplishments, I have yet to miss a kickboxing class in the last month, still feel sore after every class, and get this, I managed to develop a firm, rounder, rear end. Thanks to my mother's genes, the dairy air simply does not exist with the girls in our family, but it does now for me.

Running out of room

I know the girls miss their "daddy", however, they definitely enjoy the extra room.



Only problem, where am I going to sleep?

A very personal entry.

I do not think I opened up this much before in my blog, but I never, ever want to forget this moment...

After months, no probably years of begging him to start a blog, to write all of his emotions down and reap the benefits I do of expressing all of yourself, he sent me his first entry.

He, like no one else can, put tears in my eyes, tears of happiness.

He is such a beautiful writer, not for the things he writes about me, which I will share, but the way he describes things and truly speaks from the heart. He wrote a long entry, but I picked out bits and pieces to share here.

From the beginning.

I am not exactly sure how to begin. Someone very close to me finds refuge in her words online and the support of a community that I don't really understand but probably should. So therefore I promised her that I would write down some of my thoughts and experiences while I left everything I know and love to go somewhere far away from home and far away from anything I could ever imagine.

So I did the academy thing. Made some great friends, have a ton of memories but that is entirely a whole other topic by itself. So I go back to my decision in high school.

There is someone very important i forgot to mention. MY FIRST, MIDDLE, LAST NAME. Who believe it or not is the basis for many of the decisions in my life. She is beautiful. She is smart. She is emotional. She loves sports and looks great naked so for any man not to be in love with her would be a crime. And as much as tough, bad ass, high school me would like to deny it I was in deep. I don't know why but I was and still am today. But I think I'm doing alright. So anyways she put more thought into my future than I did. I would call it more our future. I didn't think much about my future let alone our future but I did know that she was special and I did know that I was going to do all that I could to make myself happy and not lose her. This was a tough decision but I told her I was going to wp. I don't think either of us knew what it meant or that it would be the decision that kept us together.

So we were part of the two percent and I graduated WP. Like I said before tons of memories, nothing but good times, and countless friendships that would re manifest themselves in the most trying of times. So here is the basis for my story. A few years back I made a decision that would change my life forever. And now I will try to tell the rest of the story.

I arrived at FC about early July with a girl that I was not happy with. I was getting ready to go to war and had so much bitterness and anger towards her. She knew it, I knew it, and I was tempted to say fuck it and just leave it all behind. But, after months of "living the dream" on my own, which was not bad at all, I realized that there was only one thing in this world that made my happy. And no matter how much anger or resentment I had towards her, it could never defeat the love and memories and connection that we have. The reason this is important is because that day I regained my clarity, my good luck charm, my best friend, and my smokin hot girlfriend.

So I let my anger go and focused on the future for us and for me.

Now for the Afghanistan part.

Nothing can prepare you for that day. No matter how many times you pack your stuff you always think you are missing something. You always wonder if you are prepared, are you ready, do you know what to expect. The funny thing about it is you know exactly what to expect but you push it to the back of your head. You prepare for the worst and at the same time hope for the best. You take everything you know and love, everything that makes your life worth living and put it on hold. You say goodbye to everything you know and love, pet your dog one more time, and go to war. Why do you do it, I don't think anyone knows. It sounds great to say you do it for your country, or that you do it for 9/11, but the reality is you just do it. Less than a tenth of a percent of Americans will ever deploy to a combat zone. They will never feel what it is like to say goodbye to something to know that they may never return. Or that next Sunday they wont be able to have a beer and watch the football game. I am not saying this is something they miss out on, but it is something you cannot replicate. I cannot describe the feeling of having your entire family at your house and then driving with you to drop you off. Its almost a sick feeling, you think of everything you are going to miss. All at once you ask yourself what the hell am I doing, why am I doing this. There is no answer but you go, draw your weapon, take your pictures, hug your your family and tell them goodbye, and get on the bus.

I havent talked to Brandon in years and unfortunatly was able to talk to him the other day when a helicopter we were escorting made a "hard landing" and burned to the ground within seconds. What do you say to a guy that you knew for years and stood next to in the huddle while you circle overhead and watch him pickup the pieces of a burnt helciopter hoping that their patrol doesnt get ambushed. In 45 hours I have come to realize a few things. My generation is fighting the so called war on terror. The wp class of 2006 is bait for terrorists. They live on mountain sides trying to fight for a people that they have no interest in. Handcuffed by ROE and an enemy that has no rules. We fight the best that we can and sometimes we lose but we come back everyday bring the fight so that we draw them to us. So that is all I have for now, more to follow, keep doing good things for the country and I send all my love back home for friends, family, corkyshell, dak, and daisy.



He really helpd me gain an idea of what he goes through over there besides the "good day" or "bad day" conversations we carry on weekly. God bless him, he is definitely my hero.

Avoid

Today it finally clicked in my head, I am right smack in the middle of a deployment. I heard a few times, "You seem to be handling yourself very well".

My secret: AVOIDANCE

I avoid letting my feelings get away from me. I avoid the concept of going through another winter, spring, summer, and fall before I even get remotely close to him coming home. I avoid day dreams of curling up next to him and watching our favorite television shows together.

One day at a time...However, I cannot and will not avoid how unbelievably lucky I am. And all this time away will be worth it when I get to see him again.

On a different topic, I attempted to read three different books in the past week and threw them all back onto the shelves. I really love reading. I enjoy how it takes me away from reality. I read a lot while visiting different people with him during block leave. Everyone continued to ask the same questions, so I would hide away in a book and felt so much better about everything.

Week Five & Thanksgiving

I know this might sound a bit absurd, but this past week I looked back and said to myself, "Where did the time go?".

By far my most unproductive week, but full of events, both good and bad.

• Phone interview on Thursday along with job offer
• Decorated over 40 Valentines Day cards for his company with Jeni, Holly, and kids.
• Daisy made a full recovery and if at all possible has more energy than ever
• Wonderful visit with my parents
• Set my mother up on Facebook, ha!

And lastly, yesterday I received my first and hopefully last message composed of:

Today was a bad day. I am OK. Everyone in my company is OK. I cannot tell you right now what happened, but if anyone calls, you can tell them I am OK. I love you.

A helicopter crash hit a little too close to home yesterday.

Last night my mom made a wonderful dinner of turkey, stuffing, and potatoes. As we ate, I smiled and mentioned how funny us eating a typical Thanksgiving dinner on a day where I am so incredibly thankful for his and his company's safety.

Cleaning Adventures

My parents arrive tonight and my mom is way too excited, which makes me excited.

I clean everyday. It is inevitable with two dogs, but when parents/company come over, I do a lot more cleaning than normal.

A few things I noticed:

- I absolutely hate cleaning the bathroom, actually I loathe cleaning the bathrooms. I love cleaning, its a sense of accomplishment, but I usually make him clean the bathrooms. If I ever make enough money, I am hiring someone just to come over and clean the them.

-I need the Dog Whisperer to come to my house and explain to Dakota, my very protective dog, that the vacuum is not a monster, it is not attacking me, therefore STOP TRYING TO BITE MY DYSON!

-I still have my Christmas tree up and really have no problem with it.

-Received a "STOP MESSING WITH MY DESK AND TRUNK!!" message from him this morning after I informed him in a email that I cleaned out the bonus room. Whoops! Actually those were not his exact words, I try and keep this blog PG-13.

Nothing we can do about it now. I told him this is the woman he chose to be with and he laughed.