A very personal entry.

I do not think I opened up this much before in my blog, but I never, ever want to forget this moment...

After months, no probably years of begging him to start a blog, to write all of his emotions down and reap the benefits I do of expressing all of yourself, he sent me his first entry.

He, like no one else can, put tears in my eyes, tears of happiness.

He is such a beautiful writer, not for the things he writes about me, which I will share, but the way he describes things and truly speaks from the heart. He wrote a long entry, but I picked out bits and pieces to share here.

From the beginning.

I am not exactly sure how to begin. Someone very close to me finds refuge in her words online and the support of a community that I don't really understand but probably should. So therefore I promised her that I would write down some of my thoughts and experiences while I left everything I know and love to go somewhere far away from home and far away from anything I could ever imagine.

So I did the academy thing. Made some great friends, have a ton of memories but that is entirely a whole other topic by itself. So I go back to my decision in high school.

There is someone very important i forgot to mention. MY FIRST, MIDDLE, LAST NAME. Who believe it or not is the basis for many of the decisions in my life. She is beautiful. She is smart. She is emotional. She loves sports and looks great naked so for any man not to be in love with her would be a crime. And as much as tough, bad ass, high school me would like to deny it I was in deep. I don't know why but I was and still am today. But I think I'm doing alright. So anyways she put more thought into my future than I did. I would call it more our future. I didn't think much about my future let alone our future but I did know that she was special and I did know that I was going to do all that I could to make myself happy and not lose her. This was a tough decision but I told her I was going to wp. I don't think either of us knew what it meant or that it would be the decision that kept us together.

So we were part of the two percent and I graduated WP. Like I said before tons of memories, nothing but good times, and countless friendships that would re manifest themselves in the most trying of times. So here is the basis for my story. A few years back I made a decision that would change my life forever. And now I will try to tell the rest of the story.

I arrived at FC about early July with a girl that I was not happy with. I was getting ready to go to war and had so much bitterness and anger towards her. She knew it, I knew it, and I was tempted to say fuck it and just leave it all behind. But, after months of "living the dream" on my own, which was not bad at all, I realized that there was only one thing in this world that made my happy. And no matter how much anger or resentment I had towards her, it could never defeat the love and memories and connection that we have. The reason this is important is because that day I regained my clarity, my good luck charm, my best friend, and my smokin hot girlfriend.

So I let my anger go and focused on the future for us and for me.

Now for the Afghanistan part.

Nothing can prepare you for that day. No matter how many times you pack your stuff you always think you are missing something. You always wonder if you are prepared, are you ready, do you know what to expect. The funny thing about it is you know exactly what to expect but you push it to the back of your head. You prepare for the worst and at the same time hope for the best. You take everything you know and love, everything that makes your life worth living and put it on hold. You say goodbye to everything you know and love, pet your dog one more time, and go to war. Why do you do it, I don't think anyone knows. It sounds great to say you do it for your country, or that you do it for 9/11, but the reality is you just do it. Less than a tenth of a percent of Americans will ever deploy to a combat zone. They will never feel what it is like to say goodbye to something to know that they may never return. Or that next Sunday they wont be able to have a beer and watch the football game. I am not saying this is something they miss out on, but it is something you cannot replicate. I cannot describe the feeling of having your entire family at your house and then driving with you to drop you off. Its almost a sick feeling, you think of everything you are going to miss. All at once you ask yourself what the hell am I doing, why am I doing this. There is no answer but you go, draw your weapon, take your pictures, hug your your family and tell them goodbye, and get on the bus.

I havent talked to Brandon in years and unfortunatly was able to talk to him the other day when a helicopter we were escorting made a "hard landing" and burned to the ground within seconds. What do you say to a guy that you knew for years and stood next to in the huddle while you circle overhead and watch him pickup the pieces of a burnt helciopter hoping that their patrol doesnt get ambushed. In 45 hours I have come to realize a few things. My generation is fighting the so called war on terror. The wp class of 2006 is bait for terrorists. They live on mountain sides trying to fight for a people that they have no interest in. Handcuffed by ROE and an enemy that has no rules. We fight the best that we can and sometimes we lose but we come back everyday bring the fight so that we draw them to us. So that is all I have for now, more to follow, keep doing good things for the country and I send all my love back home for friends, family, corkyshell, dak, and daisy.



He really helpd me gain an idea of what he goes through over there besides the "good day" or "bad day" conversations we carry on weekly. God bless him, he is definitely my hero.