I really hate trying to play "poor me", but I just really want remember the lowest point of this deployment, how I handled it, and more importantly how I trucked through it.
That being said...
I fell rollerblading yesterday. Tripped over Dakota. And while meeting with a client I decided for some reason to drive over the parking curb. I began to laugh at myself and said, this will get better.
I think I may have been off just a little...
His wonderful mother met a vet appointment at her vet's office. Dr Jones is a good family friend and adores not only me, but him. He coached my love in soccer for years and their kids grew up together. As soon as I saw him I gave him a big hug.
Before he entered the room, Daisy did her usual staring. Only I noticed she looked VERY creepy. One of her pupils was so tiny and the other was normal size. I asked his mother, "Doesn't she look weird". Now this dog stares at me all of the time, so I truly believe this is the first time I noticed this.
Dr. Jones walked in and I pointed out her eye. He looked a little confused and pulled her onto the examining table and said he needed to go get a few more tools. Well Miss Daisy jumped off the table and into the Doctor's area. I apologized and Dr. Jones said he actually wanted the doctors to look at her eyes. I laughed, walked back into the room.
I immediately turned around to see 3 doctors surrounding her in addition to a tech holding her down. I made a joke to his mom, "Oh they do not want to tell the crazy dog lady something is terribly wrong with her dog".
Dr. Jones walked in and it did not look good. He seemed very confused by her eye. He said something is pushing her pupil forward in the back of her head. Fungal disease is common in huskies and other wolf like dogs.
I continued to nod and said, what every other owner would say, "What does this mean?"
His response, "I want to wait and see, but Courtney, I do not want to even go there just yet, let's just say it's not good, worse case scenario". Dr. Jones knowing me immediately grabbed the kleenex box.
And 1 hour later, I am still crying.
Dr. Jones told me to wait until Monday to see what happens with her eye. Right now Dak is over with his parents and my parents are spoiling Daisy rotten.
If there is any silver lining in any of this, I mean what are the chances that not only am I sitting in the vet's office when I notice this, but his mother happens to know a dog eye specialist's home number since her own bulldog went there a few times.
Screw you Murphy.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Week Sixteen...Week Seventeen
I am OVER it. So over it.
When I finally sat down today, my dad called to tell me he didn't think he could watch the dogs next weekend. I had my first complete and utter breakdown since he left 17 weeks ago.
My past two weeks
Work
Broke not 1, but 2 printers and honestly sat on the phone for one hour yesterday while our IT guy tried to explain how to upload the MP feeder. Yeah, not going to happen, just send someone to fix it. I don't have the time or patience for it, but yet he kept trying to explain this impossible task to me.
I forgot my password one week after working. Keep in mind I type this password in 20 times a day minimum and had to call IT.
And of course my suspended license
Money
I have never been good with money or budgeting. I glance at my accounts online every once in a blue moon. I realized my first check did not automatically deposit, four days after the fact. I am also in between switching banks and thought I had all my ducks in a row until today. I remembered my car payment came out of my account that I am closing, so I bounced my first "check" and am now in the negative.
And when does it end? Bridesmaid dresses, vet appointments, race registrations, even sending care pacakges. Sometimes I wish it really did grow on trees, at least every once in awhile.
My dogs
Well it all started with the thought of boarding them two weeks ago. Oh yeah, did you know that cost money too?!
After raving about my favorite Nine West high heels I bought 6 years ago for $100 (my most expensive clothing purchase ever) to my friend Kristyn, I began packing for the wedding. And when I reached for the shoes, one was missing. I looked underneath my bed, also known as Daisy's cave, and saw the right one absolutely destroyed in her mouth.
I also hate dog hair and Daisy's hair is just out of control and almost overwhelming. When I am not at work, I am following her around the house with my vacuum.
Sunday night after an exhausting weekend, I came home to Daisy and her brand new urinary tract infection. She peed on my carpet for the first time since October. And then again on the kitchen floor and then on the dining room floor. During the night, she woke me up every 2 hours to go outside. Sometimes we made it outside, other times we did not.
Three nights later...I am still waking up every 2 hours with her. Vet appointment is scheduled for Saturday, once my check deposits. Again you need money to see the vet.
Him
After one of the best weekends since he left, I ached the entire ride back home with thoughts of missing him. I loved I was a part of their special day, but these are his friends and it just wasn't the same without him.
I also did not hear from him all week, which I am ok with, but I just needed him a little more this week than normal. And of course the whole "I email you every single night and you cannot just hit reply" mentality came bubbling up to the surface.
I mowed the grass a week ago and it needs to be cut again, like badly. I did not run once this week. My bridesmaid dress still has not come in (wedding next weekend) and I spent a good part of the week talking with numerous representatives at the bridal online store. His grandfather's cancer just doubled in size and we really doubt he will make it to his R&R. I was looking forward to driving home this weekend and leaving my dogs there all next week since I am out of town next weekend for my best friend's wedding and just really need a break. And believe it or not, I was looking forward to cleaning my house, like REALLY clean. Then my dad called and said next week might not workout.
Enter: tears
I do not think he knew those few, simple sentences could do that much damage, but there is some baggage behind it.
I hate playing the "poor me" card, but I am just so over the deployment right now.
I did realize through of this that the love of my life really does make everything go away, I absolutely love the friends in my life, I am actually pretty good at my job, I love cupcakes, and my dad will do anything for me. Like promise me ice cream tomorrow night.
I guess if this is the worst of it, I am still alive and kicking. And it can only get better, right?
When I finally sat down today, my dad called to tell me he didn't think he could watch the dogs next weekend. I had my first complete and utter breakdown since he left 17 weeks ago.
My past two weeks
Work
Broke not 1, but 2 printers and honestly sat on the phone for one hour yesterday while our IT guy tried to explain how to upload the MP feeder. Yeah, not going to happen, just send someone to fix it. I don't have the time or patience for it, but yet he kept trying to explain this impossible task to me.
I forgot my password one week after working. Keep in mind I type this password in 20 times a day minimum and had to call IT.
And of course my suspended license
Money
I have never been good with money or budgeting. I glance at my accounts online every once in a blue moon. I realized my first check did not automatically deposit, four days after the fact. I am also in between switching banks and thought I had all my ducks in a row until today. I remembered my car payment came out of my account that I am closing, so I bounced my first "check" and am now in the negative.
And when does it end? Bridesmaid dresses, vet appointments, race registrations, even sending care pacakges. Sometimes I wish it really did grow on trees, at least every once in awhile.
My dogs
Well it all started with the thought of boarding them two weeks ago. Oh yeah, did you know that cost money too?!
After raving about my favorite Nine West high heels I bought 6 years ago for $100 (my most expensive clothing purchase ever) to my friend Kristyn, I began packing for the wedding. And when I reached for the shoes, one was missing. I looked underneath my bed, also known as Daisy's cave, and saw the right one absolutely destroyed in her mouth.
I also hate dog hair and Daisy's hair is just out of control and almost overwhelming. When I am not at work, I am following her around the house with my vacuum.
Sunday night after an exhausting weekend, I came home to Daisy and her brand new urinary tract infection. She peed on my carpet for the first time since October. And then again on the kitchen floor and then on the dining room floor. During the night, she woke me up every 2 hours to go outside. Sometimes we made it outside, other times we did not.
Three nights later...I am still waking up every 2 hours with her. Vet appointment is scheduled for Saturday, once my check deposits. Again you need money to see the vet.
Him
After one of the best weekends since he left, I ached the entire ride back home with thoughts of missing him. I loved I was a part of their special day, but these are his friends and it just wasn't the same without him.
I also did not hear from him all week, which I am ok with, but I just needed him a little more this week than normal. And of course the whole "I email you every single night and you cannot just hit reply" mentality came bubbling up to the surface.
I mowed the grass a week ago and it needs to be cut again, like badly. I did not run once this week. My bridesmaid dress still has not come in (wedding next weekend) and I spent a good part of the week talking with numerous representatives at the bridal online store. His grandfather's cancer just doubled in size and we really doubt he will make it to his R&R. I was looking forward to driving home this weekend and leaving my dogs there all next week since I am out of town next weekend for my best friend's wedding and just really need a break. And believe it or not, I was looking forward to cleaning my house, like REALLY clean. Then my dad called and said next week might not workout.
Enter: tears
I do not think he knew those few, simple sentences could do that much damage, but there is some baggage behind it.
I hate playing the "poor me" card, but I am just so over the deployment right now.
I did realize through of this that the love of my life really does make everything go away, I absolutely love the friends in my life, I am actually pretty good at my job, I love cupcakes, and my dad will do anything for me. Like promise me ice cream tomorrow night.
I guess if this is the worst of it, I am still alive and kicking. And it can only get better, right?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
A few tears...A few cookies
This weekend I am heading out of town for one of our very good friend's wedding. I am excited to see his friends who over the years have turned into my big brothers/best friends/family.
I was told by more than one reliable source that a large dog died while at the Guest HouseI was told that the Guest House was negligent in caring for the dog and that the dog died a traumatic and terrible death.
However, I am forgetting about two very important things. Dakota and Daisy.
I kept putting off what to do until tonight. I called my mother and toyed with the idea of driving 6 hours north to Chicago to drop them off and drive another 14 hours south to the wedding.
I began researching boarding places. Dakota is tough and stayed with some crazy people down at flight school. With Daisy, I am more sensitive, especially after her surgery experience. I looked up a place everyone raved about here. I began reading the reviews:
the packages of food I had expected them to eat were still in the bag. As soon as I got them home, the female jumped out of the car and let loose a large diarrhetic stool
My friends dog got killed here.It was a small dog, and since they were careless, they let it in the large roaming area with big dogs. The poor thing got mauled to death.
I was told by more than one reliable source that a large dog died while at the Guest HouseI was told that the Guest House was negligent in caring for the dog and that the dog died a traumatic and terrible death.
So I started crying about the thought of boarding them. I sucked it up and called a good friend stationed here. I asked him about the possiblity of house/dog sitting and he agreed. I wanted to reach through the phone and hug him.
I still feel guilty about sitting around so besides running and rollerblading, cooking and baking take up a lot of my time now.
I made a yummy homemade salsa for a nice healthy snack for when I get home:
1 med green pepper, diced
1 med red pepper, diced
1 med vidalia (sweet) onion, diced
4 regular tomaotes, diced OR 6 roma tomatoes, diced
1/2 bag frozen sweet corn
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
1/4 cup olive oil
1/8 cup apple cider vinegar
1 packet good season dry italian dressing mix
Combine all of the ingredients and refrigerate 2 hours before eating.
1 med red pepper, diced
1 med vidalia (sweet) onion, diced
4 regular tomaotes, diced OR 6 roma tomatoes, diced
1/2 bag frozen sweet corn
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
1/4 cup olive oil
1/8 cup apple cider vinegar
1 packet good season dry italian dressing mix
Combine all of the ingredients and refrigerate 2 hours before eating.
And on Sunday, my poor friend had one of our friends fall through her attic floor into her kitchen so I brought over Dijon Orange Roughy Fillets (fish very similiar to Tilapia)
It might be the easiest, best tasting recipe ever.
2 tablespoons butter
1 tablesoon Dijon mustard
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 tbs fresh lemon juice
4 Orange Roughy/Tilapia
3 tbs fresh bread crumbs
Preheat over to 450 degrees. Melt butter over low heat in saucepan. Add mustard, Worcestershire sauce and lemon juice. and mix well Place fish in lightly greased baking pan. Pour sauce over fillets and sprinkle with bread crumbs. Bake for 7-8 minutes.
I also made layered oatmeal-chip cookies tonight for our pot luck dinner tonight. However, I made 30 cookies and while they were cooling, I forgot about them and walked out of the room. My beautiful husky snatched 4-5 of them. Grrrr.
Instant Smile
One of my favorite bloggers and fellow husky lover, Megan, passed a wonderful award in my direction.
7 Things I LOVE
1) Him.
After a minor meltdown at work, I received the sweetest email from him telling me that I kick ass at everything I do and I just need to believe in myself like the way he believes in me.
2) Laughing
Whether its laughing at friends or a funny story, nothing makes me happier than a good laugh.
3) Dakota
My protector and probably one of the sweetest dogs
4) Daisy
My beautiful, comic relief during the day
5) My family, in particular my best friend, my mother
She has always been there for me, alway supported me and I love talking to her because no one knows me better
6) Anything liberating...
Whether its a good run, using an electric drill to hang a huge corkboard in my office, mowing the yard, cooking a new recipe, finishing another book etc. I find the more things I accomplish during this deployment the better I feel and the faster time flies. And accomplishing all of the above and then some truly is the best feeling in the world.
7) His family
His dad is one of my best "girlfriends", the one I share with all my juicy gossip, his mother is my guide and rock through this deployment, his sister is one of my best friends, and his brother constantly makes me feel loved by checking in on me from time to time to make sure I'm doing ok.
And I am tagging...
Magnolias and Mimosas
Because her stories about herself and her husband always make me laugh.
7 Things I LOVE
1) Him.
After a minor meltdown at work, I received the sweetest email from him telling me that I kick ass at everything I do and I just need to believe in myself like the way he believes in me.
2) Laughing
Whether its laughing at friends or a funny story, nothing makes me happier than a good laugh.
3) Dakota
My protector and probably one of the sweetest dogs
4) Daisy
My beautiful, comic relief during the day
5) My family, in particular my best friend, my mother
She has always been there for me, alway supported me and I love talking to her because no one knows me better
6) Anything liberating...
Whether its a good run, using an electric drill to hang a huge corkboard in my office, mowing the yard, cooking a new recipe, finishing another book etc. I find the more things I accomplish during this deployment the better I feel and the faster time flies. And accomplishing all of the above and then some truly is the best feeling in the world.
7) His family
His dad is one of my best "girlfriends", the one I share with all my juicy gossip, his mother is my guide and rock through this deployment, his sister is one of my best friends, and his brother constantly makes me feel loved by checking in on me from time to time to make sure I'm doing ok.
And I am tagging...
Magnolias and Mimosas
Because her stories about herself and her husband always make me laugh.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Week Twenty
side note: No I am not crazy, in Indiana, its the BMV standing for Bureau of Motor Vehicles :)
I honestly sat down for the first time in five days last night and even questioned myself if I should really be sitting down and not be doing something else.
In addition to my first week of work my schedule consisted of Pot Luck with the girls on Tuesday, Book Club on Wednesday, Choir Church Concert on Thursday, not to mention my whole Driver's License issue.
I am forever thankful for my boss. She fought the issue with our HR department in California and I sucked it up, paid $50 more dollars, stayed up until 2am on Wednesday completing the online course, and finishing yet another online Driver's Safety course. I just wanted my license reinstated. In seven more days I should be legal once again. I describe the whole situation as just lame, very lame actually.
I am falling into a nice routine which both I and the dogs need and appreciate. I racked up over 25 miles on the rollerblades this week with the puppies. Since the weather reached the 60s all week with sunny skies, I rollerbladed not only at 6:45 every morning, but everyday after work.
I finally started running again and felt pretty good after two short runs. I am going to attempt a long run this weekend and even try my first kickboxing class since bruising my tailbone.
Some more deployment goals:
I honestly sat down for the first time in five days last night and even questioned myself if I should really be sitting down and not be doing something else.
In addition to my first week of work my schedule consisted of Pot Luck with the girls on Tuesday, Book Club on Wednesday, Choir Church Concert on Thursday, not to mention my whole Driver's License issue.
I am forever thankful for my boss. She fought the issue with our HR department in California and I sucked it up, paid $50 more dollars, stayed up until 2am on Wednesday completing the online course, and finishing yet another online Driver's Safety course. I just wanted my license reinstated. In seven more days I should be legal once again. I describe the whole situation as just lame, very lame actually.
I am falling into a nice routine which both I and the dogs need and appreciate. I racked up over 25 miles on the rollerblades this week with the puppies. Since the weather reached the 60s all week with sunny skies, I rollerbladed not only at 6:45 every morning, but everyday after work.
I finally started running again and felt pretty good after two short runs. I am going to attempt a long run this weekend and even try my first kickboxing class since bruising my tailbone.
Some more deployment goals:
- Sent my third care package to him full of Gator Golf, my delicious Black Forest cookies, a Spiderman kite, People & US Weekly magazines, baseball gloves + baseball, and two old school DS games (Space Invaders + Command & Destroy).
- Cooking and baking well over three new recipes this month. Besides my Tofu Fried Rice, Grilled Cheese Sandwiches and cookies, I am planning to make homemade Salsa, Orange Roughy, bowtie pasta receipe, and and a new chicken recipe all on Sunday for my upcoming work week.
With all the warm weather and rain, I now need to go cut my front and backyard. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Law Breaker
Work was fantastic today. The sun was shining. Life was great...
Then I get a call from my boss after work before I am meeting some girlfriends for dinner.
My boss: We received the results from your background check. Do you know your Driver's License is suspended?
Me: WHAT?!
Apparently I did not finish a Driver's Saftey Course after a ticket in January 2008. I vividly remember taking that boring piece of crap class over Memorial Day Weekend. Luckily the BMV stays open late on Tuesdays. I called them and their response, simply enough, "Well you can show them your Certificate proving you completed the course".
Me again: What?! Who keeps those things for 10 months. And truth of the matter is I worked so much May-July, there is a very good chance I threw it out.
Worse part, I lost my license in May, received a new license in June and bought a new car in August. So I made two trips to the BMV WELL after my saftey test due date. Both times, they failed to mention anything about a suspended license.
I am very, very angry. Good thing I get a night to cool off before calling tomorrow morning.
Then I get a call from my boss after work before I am meeting some girlfriends for dinner.
My boss: We received the results from your background check. Do you know your Driver's License is suspended?
Me: WHAT?!
Apparently I did not finish a Driver's Saftey Course after a ticket in January 2008. I vividly remember taking that boring piece of crap class over Memorial Day Weekend. Luckily the BMV stays open late on Tuesdays. I called them and their response, simply enough, "Well you can show them your Certificate proving you completed the course".
Me again: What?! Who keeps those things for 10 months. And truth of the matter is I worked so much May-July, there is a very good chance I threw it out.
Worse part, I lost my license in May, received a new license in June and bought a new car in August. So I made two trips to the BMV WELL after my saftey test due date. Both times, they failed to mention anything about a suspended license.
I am very, very angry. Good thing I get a night to cool off before calling tomorrow morning.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Not Me
Another addition of "Not Me Monday"
- I did not eat 6 more of HIS cookies today (they wouldn't fit in his care package)
- I did not send him Gator Golf, a game for 3+ year olds with complete confidence that he would enjoy it as much as a 3 year old
- I did not get tipsy off a single glass of wine tonight
- I did not enjoy my "homework" tonight from my first day of work (nerd)
- I did not almost get up in the middle of pilates and run out the door because I thought I saw someone who looked exactly like him.
- I did not rollerblade the puppies at 6:30 this morning (Miss Musing's morning routine inspired me) and again at 4:30 this afternoon.
What did you NOT do this Monday?
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