Reminisce

Tonight while searching through websites and emails, I came across my first blog. Its crazy to think I started a blog five years ago to vent about college and him. I wrote for me. No one read it. I just loved writing my thoughts and feelings down.

I took a little trip down memory lane and came across a passage in July, 2004. I find it ironic the things I wrote about then and how not too much has changed. I took a trip with his dad to visit him one weekend in Airborne School.

5 years ago and we had already been together for 4 years at this point:

Fort Benning, Georgia will definitely be a trip to remember. Here's my experience and thoughts.

We got there safely Friday afternoon after a flat tire in Atlanta. Thankfully when we got off, one mile later was a tire shop. *HE said he would be ready anywhere between 5-6pm. So I unpacked some of my things at the hotel and we left to head to the base 10 miles away.

We arrived on base at 5:30ish. And of course, like a typical Army girlfriend, I waited and waited. His dad let me drive the car around the base and he sat all the way in the back. (What a nerd :) I spotted *HIM marching with his company, which by the way, when everyone looks the same, I am SOOOO good at spotting the kid, his parents call it a special talent.

His dad wanted to walk around and I wanted to sit in the AC. So we parked across from his barracks and I sat in the car. First of all, I saw a lot of beautiful boys there. If I was single, I would just park my car outside the barracks like I was doing. I mean nobody compares to *HIM. Of course all of them have to be in good shape, but I saw close to 50 men leaving base for the weekend.

I was sitting there for about an hour and I started thinking. Can I handle this? I mean this whole military thing. It's not like me at all to think ahead. I am a firm believe in taking one day at a time. But with all of what's going on, you really can't avoid it. I remember his dad beforehand completely joking around about being patient. Patient? I think I can show you patience...

In the past three years I have:
*Spent 156 hours in the car driving back and forth visiting
*Waited over 15 hours on either WP, Fort Knox, or Fort Benning's base.
*Made three $300 roundtrip flights from Chicago to Stewart, NY.
*Had my flight delayed two of those three times.
*Waited weeks for letters or phone calls.
*Spent at least $50 in postage.
*Prepared myself for his deployment to Iraq
*Read close to 10,000 emails about girls going through the same thing
*Read four books on the subject of West Point or the Army.
*And I have said tearful goodbye close to 30 times.

I have been disappointed, upset, pushed around, been let down, and most of all I have felt alone. And all this time, people may wonder along with me... Did we/they meet too young?....Can she/I handle possibly another seven years or even military for life? Is she/I ruining the supposed best four years of her/my life?

I do not know these answers. I really don't try and find them either. Most of you may think I am nuts. I am constantly, and I mean constantly asked, how do you do this? My answer to all of these questions. I have absolutely no idea. I don't know what it is. I am extremely happy with my relationship and there is some force deep inside of me that gives me strength.

It keeps me going and has kept me going through this journey for the past four years. Call it true love or independence or even faith that God will make sure everything works out fine. I do believe that God never gives us more than we can handle. I think that I have probably been pushed to my limits a few times. But I know that this has made me a better person.

To *HIM: I've never met someone as brave or courageous as you for all that you do. I am extremely proud of you for sticking with this when so many people have given up. You're the most intelligent and most caring person I have ever met. I thank God for all that you have brought into my life. I am truly a better person because of you and all that you have done for me. I love you. I love you more and more each day.

Our weekend was amazing.

Saying goodbye has been getting easier. He hugged me for awhile and kept kissing my head. It seemed he didn't want to let go. I was sitting in the van and there was a family next to me dropping off their Army enlisted son. There was definitely a girlfriend who kept crying and kissing him and pulling him back when he tried to leave. I sorta of laughed. I remeber the harder goodbyes. But never did I try and make it worse. After we hugged and kissed, I would put my head down and walk away and sulk for the next week. It's not only hard for me, but I can see in *HIS eyes how hard it is for him. His dad told me that although it doesn't seem like it, it's soooo hard for parents. It's tough...

But after three years. I've learned that I'm ok. I always have been and I always will be. So I will continue this journey and the rough spots that go along with it. I truly believe that God has a plan for everyone. And so far, I really enjoy what he had planned out for me already....